Hello Embee
I am sorry to hear of your loss. I too am a “dearest” father of two sweet daughters. They are grown women with children now. But in my heart they will always be Dad’s little girls.
I know, that as a Dad, it always did, and always will cause me great sadness to see my “little girls” being sad. I literally would do anything to put a smile on their faces and lift the burdens from their hearts. I imagine that might describe your father too.
I hope what I say comes across the right way. If not, then my error comes from trying to reach out compassionately.
Do you believe that when you are able to feel less sad that this would please your father?
Everyone has different beliefs and I will not proselytize to you. I will share my experience with you in hope that it gives you comfort.
In my case, I was extremely close to my Mother. Even though she passed away many years ago, I still feel her presence. Whenever I think of her, or some wonderful shared experience, it is as though she is tapping me on the shoulder saying, “You haven’t thought about me in a while.” I ALWAYS have happy thoughts of her, because I choose to think of only the good times.
I believe that we do exist in another form in another dimension after we die. This allows me to feel happy that she no longer suffers, and that she is in a place of peace and joy. Also, I look forward to being reunited with her one day. I don’t fear my own eventual “passing”.
As far as feeling sad, this is normal and natural. The trick is to learn how to be sad and yet not be overcome and overwhelmed by your sadness. I posted “Coping with stress – one person’s point of view” in the “Reflections and Inspiration” section of this site. You might want to check it out. I developed these skills after learning how to deal with stress as a hospice volunteer.
When you said, that you are a “little sad girl who misses her dad so much and doesn't know who to talk to about it.”, you keyed in on two important things:
1) Honour and cherish that “child within”, that precious little girl who was, but in many ways still is you. If she was your daughter, what would you do? EVERYTHING and ANYTHING to make her happy, right? So bring her out to play, help her heal, love her.
2) The other thing is, that you said, that you do not know who to talk to. Actually you do, because you are talking to compassionate listeners, here at Virtual Hospice. Also, you are wisely reaching out to the group therapy sessions at your local hospice. I find that people who do attend group grief counseling, heal much quicker that those who do not.
So you see, Embee, you are moving in the right direction - just don’t expect quick results. You will always have sad days, what happens with time is that the duration between the sad days becomes longer and longer. Also. you will eventually be able to feel sad without it overwhelming you and incapacitating you.
You said, “, unfortunately I tend to care-take people I love in my life, so therefore I'd rather not talk about my sadness with them because I don't want to make them sad too.” Two things,
1) There is always someone to talk to – you just have to find the right person(s).
2) Reaching out to comfort others is one of my best coping techniques. I find that it keeps me “outward reaching” instead of “inward seeking”. Helping others who are hurting, takes my mind off of my own hurts. You can’t do this, however, until you are ready. You can’t put yourself too far “out there” to others, if it would “bring you down”. Be careful of that pitfall.
3) If you go to group therapy you will not “feel alone” as you mentioned, also it will allow you to reach out to others, thereby knowing that your feelings are experienced by others and also you will be able to help others heal.
I hope I did not come across as a “know it all, having all the answers”. I am not trying to prescribe a course of action. I am not a professional, only a compassionate listener. I wish you well. Keep us all updated regarding your progress, Embee.
- Ekim