Dear Lilbear,
as Tracie said, it's good to hear from you. I think Tracie gave you great ideas on coping with feelings, the guilt is a huge one, the loss is ongoing.
we all travel our life path - each different from the others. No two people will deal with or cope with the loss and grief in the same way. We are all "one of a kind".
so be Kind to yourself, and know that you will get through it, in your own way.
there are no deadlines, guidelines, no time frame that you can circle on the calendar - example - many different cultures, religions might have set times for mourning. Say, one year. - so the survivors wear an armband, or dark colours, perhaps follow a certain pattern of identifying their loss.
what happens at the end of a set mourning period? Well, not much, because in one way or another memories will pop up and remind you. A photograph, a smell of favourite meals, a mention of your loved one, etc.
get my thoughts? Trying hard to explain that to my way of thinking we are always touched by our loved one, and they will always be in our hearts;). It's the day to day that's hard.
so I send you a hug today and hope that you can give yourself some breathing space.
the running of the business you shared with your mom, now that's also hard. Meeting customers each day, having conversations daily, it's hard on the heart. Dealing with the paperwork and day to day stuff can be draining.
in time you will be able to look at your situation and decide, is this my niche? Is it now too hard to handLe? Or will you perhaps continue and refine the business to fit your life?
i am not offering suggestions but instead giving you the freedom (as one human being to another)to move forward in the best way for you. Just don't feel trapped. I have felt trapped at certain times, feeling overwhelmed, not sure what direction to take, not sure if I could continue.
i learned that you can move forward, that you can change your life, and you do it for you. Just sit down and make the decision in your life based on your desires, your energies, your needs. whatever you decide, do it for yourself, for your family. Life is all about keeping one foot in front of the other. Some days we need rappelling gear for the mountains, and sometimes a zip line as we speed down a line - feeling the wind rush past our face with a whoop of adrenaline.
you are doing a great job. You were dealt a double blow losing both parents. Let your heart heal.
someone is always here to listen. That's a huge help, I know, because I am also finding that I occasionally need support too! We all do!
Best wishes and write again,
sending you my thoughts today,
NatR