Hi CDP

If you ever feel comfortable about using a “first name” (even a ‘made-up for privacy’ one like mine – eKim) don’t hesitate to do so. 

So for now I’ll just say, “Chrissy Dorothy Penelope” instead, rather than CDP; it sounds more warm and fuzzy.  ok? 

Even in the midst of the “blues” it’s good not to lose our sense of humour, wouldn’t you agree Chrissy Dorothy Penelope?

First of all, I want to say that I am not a professional grief counsellor.  I am simply a fellow caring human that loves people and loves to help people.

You said previously that you are working with a professional.  Are you still?  It is important to do so, especially in the case of “complicated or unresolved grief”.

I suppose your story resonates with me because I am a Dad of two daughters who both have children.  Any parent has a bit of a “Mr./Mrs. Fixit/Rescuer” in them.  We want to do that, so badly. 

But ultimately we cannot.  The solution oftentimes lies with the one who is hurting.  They don’t always know this.  It is important for someone simply to listen.  The person who is hurting will eventually enunciate their own solution.  Like Dorothy was told in the Wizard of Oz, “You had the power all along, my dear,” 

You said when you wrote, “I am supposed to be strong, decisive, confident.”  Your last four words jumped out at me, “I am so lost”. 

Is it really “one or the other”?  Could we have two conflicting emotions simultaneously?

I started thinking, what if CDP is the strong one who is writing.  And the one who was lost is your very own “sweet little child-within”?

What do you think about telling your story in the following way – sort of as a journal.  Keep it private or share it – you decide. 

Think of that lost little girl inside as a version of the 11-year-old you.  Ask her many questions about what she is feeling.  Every time she is stuck, try to get her to speak further.  What questions?  Your last posting has many statements that can be reframed into questions, and you probably have many more.

Am I “out to lunch” here CDP.  Please forgive me if I am.  I mean no harm.  It’s just that if it were one of my daughters hurting, this is what I might say.

I suppose this Thanksgiving is tough for you.  Tough to feel grateful when you are in so much pain.  But even a small measure of gratitude can help to soothe the hurting heart.

- I wish you all the best.

-eKim