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My husband died 2 month ago 
Créé par diamic
11 mai 2023, 6 h 04

I just don't know how I am going to survive without him. We were married 57 years and 2 years dating. We worked together every day on our farm. I am so lost and nights alone are almost unbearable. His urn is in my cabinet along with so many memories. I have a wonderful family that is here for me, but until you've lost your partner and best friend, they mourn their dad but have no idea how much I am suffering. I read a wonderful book on grief and coping. I know I have to get out and live my life. I'm jealous and envious of my friends who have their husbands. I realize that's not right and I'm ashamed to even think that. How are you ladies coping with your loss?
Réponse de Seeker
11 mai 2023, 21 h 04

Hello Diamic; First of all, let me say how very sorry I am for your loss.  There really are no words, just the ability to say I have a small sense of the pain you are in right now, as will anyone who has experienced the death of their best friend and soul mate.  I also am so glad that you are reaching out to talk with those of us who have been through a similar situation; I think that is a very healthy step and you should feel good about finding the energy to do that. 
I don't have any magical words for you. My husband and very best friend died five years ago and I will love him, miss him and talk to him for the rest of my days.  And I have come to the point where I believe that is not only ok but completely understandable, considering how much I love him and always will. That said, the days of piercing pain and unbearable ache are fewer now.  I smile more than I cry.  I have learned that I can miss him and the life we had while at the same time being so grateful that I was lucky enough to share my life with him.  That tremendous sorrow and gratitude can co-exist - I don't have to choose one or the other.  This makes sense to me and allows me to accept however I am feeling, let it be and allow it to pass.
In my own case, I have been forever changed by the love I shared with my husband and by his death.  Of course I have been.  So I am slowly learning how to move forward without him physically by my side.  It helps me to believe that he is still in my life, beside me, guiding, supporting and loving me as he always will.
Please try to be gentle with yourself.  Accept your feelings, whatever they may be on a given day, in a given hour.  They are all legitimate and ok.  Talk about your husband with anyone who will listen - bring him into the conversation if it comforts you and tell people around you what helps you.  Often it is being able to tell your stories over and over again.  That is ok.  Sometimes friends and family just need to be told that this is where you are at.  There is no 'getting over' grief.  We learn to make room for it, like an old friend. After all, it makes sense to me that tremendous grief is a sign of tremendous love.  And how lucky one is to have experienced love of that magnitude. My heart goes out to you.  Think about what comforts you and reach for it.  You will get through this and learn to live with your grief.  Please reach out in this forum whenever you feel like it.  Those of us who have had a similar experience 'get it'.  Sending you warm thoughts.
Réponse de Kath56
16 mai 2023, 18 h 22

I wish I had words to help. My husband passed right before Christmas, from Covid complications. He had health issues, so a lot of my day centered around his needs. My whole purpose is gone. I have been scrambling to sort out our finances and that is close to being sorted. It's harder to avoid thinking about his being gone. As worries and tasks get done, my mind is less occupied. It hits me most in the morning. I too feel jealousy when I see other couples our age, walking, holding hands. My kids are good but don't understand completely. We were together since 84, married for 35 years I cope by hugging my furbabies and get out at least once a week. I've joined forums on facebook. Hopefully after the summer I will feel up to joining an in person support group. Or find a few widow friends to have tea with once in a while. I have been through cancer and was lucky to create my own little support network that helped me throuch. It is lonely but I realise I'm not alone on this road. You aren't alone either. Hugs 
Réponse de eKIM
17 mai 2023, 16 h 01

Hello Diamic

This is eKim.  I just posted on Kath56's page.  So perhaps I can repeat what I said so that I can address both of you.

I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I have not lost a spouse, but I have lost 4 family members within the last 3 years. 

I cannot imagine the pain that you are going through.  My wife and I have been married for 53 years and if something happened to her, I just know that I would need a lot of help from caring souls to carry on.

I hope that you both have (and even find more) compassionate listeners to let you tell your story.  I have found that "storytelling" is one of the most useful tools in the journal of healing.

The most common reaction to the loss of a loved one is confusion and lack of direction. 

Have you considered getting help from a grief therapist?  They can be very good at helping one to clarify one's thinking and find direction. - eKim

ps  Dr. Alan Wolfelt's "Six Needs of Mourning" can be very helpful

- eKim
Réponse de Terch
06 juil. 2023, 20 h 24

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I  lost my soulmate 8 weeks ago and I can barely imagine any sort of life without him. 
Réponse de eKIM
06 juil. 2023, 22 h 16


It is remarkable that you are able to reach out to others when your own loss is so recent. 

Are you getting the support that you need - from family, from friends, from counselling?  

If you have a need to speak from your heart, we are here for you.  

- eKim
Réponse de Terch
08 juil. 2023, 4 h 21

My children have surrounded me and I am so grateful for them. I do already see that life continues to go on and everyone needs to move forward. I feel so lonely even with round,my children around me and  lonelier when I go to my empty home. The days are so long and I do the basics by rote. I think that while I was in the fog it was easier to manage the grief but now it feels insurmountable. I am broken hearted and I know I am as broken as the depth of the love I had with my partner. I go to counselling weekly and my family Dr calls me every two weeks to check in. I don't know how I will get through this but I don't think I have a choice. Thank you for checking in. 
08 août 2023, 23 h 15

Thankfully, it appears that a 'fix' has been done on the Discussion forum site and we are now able to post again. 

Diamic I was reading that in May it was 2 months since your husband died. The 8th anniversary of my husband's death is on Saturday. Time has changed and softened the first months and years pain, but it is still an important marker for me. So Saturday I plan to have a pepsi, chips and a bar (probably a Big Turk) to remember him and our time together. That was our 'treat'. 

I hope that over the next months and years your memories become a safe place for you to go.

Thinking of you all on this thread. 

Kind regards,Katherine

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