Hi Jenny

During these trying times, so much of what you say seems abnormal to you, and it is, compared to your old normal.

But I must say, I’ve seen so many people have comparable reactions, so in that way, your reactions are “normal”, or similar to many people’s reactions in similar situations.

For instance, you say, “ sometimes feel crazy and all over the place.” This is typical when people are undergoing stressful events/circumstances.

I know that when I have been in stressful situations, my brain just seems to “shut down”. I go blank.

Making major decisions is so very difficult under these circumstances.

It says a lot about your fine character when you say about your home, “Hard to leave but necessary i feel.” As hard as it is, you are facing these major decisions rather than avoiding them. Good for you, Jenny.

You said, “i have kind of resigned to its your body and your life.”

It is possible to feel compassion for those who are not able to make decisions that are best for them. We may not understand them, but we can still feel compassion.

I’m sure that you love your husband and feel compassion for him. But yes, like you say, ‘it is very frustrating”.

Recognizing that your husband’s disease could go either way is a healthy response, I feel.

In my case, with my disease, I have taken the attitude of “Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.” I feel that, in doing so, whatever happens, it won’t be as shocking as if I buried my head in the sand and would only expect the most positive result.

It’s interesting to read how you have come to grips with your husband’s lifestyle choices.

When you have no expectations of swaying his position, you can honestly say, “I did what I could, but there was no more that I could have done.”

Later on, many people experience feelings of guilt and cannot make progress in their mental well-being.

It is important to recognize the difference between guilt and regret.

Guilt feelings are appropriate if you knowingly did something to someone to cause them harm. This in no way describes you, Jenny.

Regret, on the other hand, is clever in disguising itself as guilt. You might regret that he did not make better lifestyle choices, but don’t confuse that with guilt.

I hope I’m not coming across as “preachy” – tell me if I am. It’s just that I have seen so many people deal with these emotions.

Their circumstances are different, but the feelings that they cause have a commonality.
And how people respond to these feelings determines – in a large part – how they heal from these traumatic events.

Please come back to us here at this forum, to get things off your chest, Jenny. We’ll be here for you.

– Michael (aka eKim)