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I am struggling  
Créé par Praveen
12 août 2021, 16 h 55

hi everyone,

My wife was diagnosed with stage 3 triple negative breast cancer about 1.5 years ago. Subsequently she went through chemo, surgery and then radiation. However, since May 2021 it has come back and has spread so its stage 4 now.

Her condition is deterioating everyday physically As well as mentally and emptonally. So is the case with me and our daughter who is 15. It Pains to see her in pain and her condition deteriorating in front of my eyes. I feel so helpless. we have had social worker talk to our daughter For counselling. I have Started to struggle emotionally as well. that being said, try to stay positive, hopeful and Take 1 day at a time, most of the times. 

i am glad that I found this group today. I know we are in the right hands professionally & will get our best shot to trying everything possible to improve quality of life, try & live with it.  But its good to share the feeling with people who have gone through or still going through similar experiences. Knowing that you are not alone, makes a huge difference. 



Réponse de Mary09
12 août 2021, 19 h 46

Hi Praveen,
I'm sorry to hear about your wife.  I am new to this group also and came here because I too am struggling.  I wrote a post recently about my struggles.  My mom is 72 and has stage 4 breast cancer which she has battled for many years but is spreading now and we are running out of treatments.  I myself was diagnosed with breast cancer 4 years ago at age 48 and had surgery with radiation and my prognosis so far is good.  My kids are 17 and 12 and it is hard on them as well.  
It really is heartbreaking to watch your loved one suffer... to not do what they once could and even more so to not be able to help.  I try my best with cooking meals and handling all the appointments and housework for my parents while also looking after my kids.  I hold a lot of my emotions in because my mom has it the worst and I don't want her to see me struggle because she would worry about me and she's going through enough.  And also because I try to be strong for my kids also so they don't see me upset.  It's physically and emotionally exhausting.  I feel so much guilt doing anything because my mom cannot get out of bed now and I feel bad.  
I don't know how to continue to live with life while at the same time going through this caregiving process.  I feel sad all the time and worry all the time. All the tests and doctors visits have taken a toll.
I wanted you to know you are not alone... I'm sure your wife is so comforted to have you and really no matter how hard it gets we will do what we have to for them as long
as they need us because that's what you do when you love someone.  It's just very hard and I get it.  
sending you much strength and prayers for you and your family... 
Réponse de eKIM
12 août 2021, 20 h 39

Hello Praveen

Hello Mary09

My heart really goes out to each of you. 

I am truly sorry that you are going through this.

My wife and I are about to leave town to visit family.

My wife's sister passed away last year.

Our nieces are struggling and we are trying to comfort them.

I think that there is a serendipitous synchronicity that brings us all together in these forums.

I use that expression to avoid saying something religious that might not "sit well" with some folks.

Yes we all suffer in our own way.  But knowing that we are not alone does bring some comfort, does it not?

Just the fact that in our own pain we can reach out to another, seems to light a wee candle in our heart.

I wrote a poem to this effect and I share it.  I hope that it brings comfort to you.

- eKim

The Path and the Candle


There are over seven billion humans on planet earth on seven billion paths.

No two humans travel the same path and no two paths are identical.

Our unique path follows our individual experiences of life.

Sometimes we are happy and sometimes we are sad.  Sometimes we are afraid.

That is the nature of the path.


On our path, we each carry a tiny candle which lights up only a small area directly in front of us.

There is only enough light for the next step ahead.

Although we travel our path alone, we need not be lonely, yet some humans are.  Why?


There are those who stare at their own candle and the next step ahead of them.

Their pupils constrict and they cannot see much other than their own candle.

Wrapped up in themselves, they cannot see what or who is around them.

Their focus is too near.


There are others who gaze up to the stars and see millions of lights.

As their pupils dilate they ponder if the stars are wanderers just like themselves.

Wrapped up in the unknown, they cannot see what or who is around them.

Their focus is too far.


Then there are those of us who choose not to be lonely as we journey along our path.

We look ahead and in doing so we are peripherally aware of other lights just like our own.

They twinkle and glow like fireflies in the night.  Some lights are near.  Some lights are far.


Every so often one of the lights comes very near to us, or perhaps we come very near to it.

We notice that it is a candle, just like ours carried by another human, not too different from us.


We pause, we observe, we wonder.

We notice that their candle only lights up a small portion of their path ahead of them, just like our own.

As we come closer to one another, we place our wee candles side by side.

Lo and behold, we each can see twice as far as before.

And now we no longer feel lonely or afraid.

Our focus has been made just right.

- eKim

Réponse de Mary09
12 août 2021, 22 h 09

Thank you so much EKim for your response and this beautiful poem.  It is so beautifully written abd gives me lots to think about.  Thank you so much.  
Réponse de eKIM
12 août 2021, 22 h 33

I simply saw your candle.

Only in a moment?

But do we not live our lives one moment at a time?

Do not disregard the wonder of the moment.

When my thoughts are occupied with compassion for you,

For that moment I think not of my own lot.

A brief respite yes - but oh so precious.

It is you who have given a gift to me and I thank you.

- eKim

ps Don't mind me, I just re-read Kahlil Gibran's "The Prophet".  I think he took over my spirit for a moment.  LOL

Réponse de Praveen
12 août 2021, 23 h 35

Thanks eKim for that beautiful poem! it was so touching and pertinent. capture the essence of life. I see the candle that everyone is carrying around me. Hope I am able to see farther with the combined lights of our candles and see brighter things ahead..

thanks for that beautiful thought and vibe!

trult appreciate it !

Hugs, love and strength coming your way. 
Réponse de Praveen
12 août 2021, 23 h 55


I feel your pain. you are so brave for doing what you do despite of your own situation. so kudos To you.   Give yourself some room for just being human. that's what I keep telling's okay to struggle, it's okay to be not okay..and let it be..

thank you for sharing your struggles and experinces. I see you light..

tak care 

Réponse de Mary09
13 août 2021, 0 h 34

Thank you Praveen...I see your light also... 🕯

hugs and strength to you....  


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