WHAT IS EXISTENCE? 

Physicists tell us that matter cannot be either created or destroyed

For example, let’s say you were explaining elementary physics to a wide-eyed five year old.  You take an ice cube from the freezer and put into a bowl on the counter.  When the ice cube has melted, you could ask the child what they see, in the absence of the ice cube.  They would of course, tell you that they see water.  Next, you could boil the water until it was gone and ask them what they see in the absence of the water.  They would of course, tell you that they see steam.  Any child can understand this simple example of matter changing form.

Without any consideration of Religion or Spirituality, this leads me to believe that, humans (being composed of matter), exist forever, in some form or other. 

It is, generally speaking, in our increasingly secular world, a stretch of the imagination, for many people to see this continuity of existence, into eternity. 

When I pause to take into account both time, and the universe as being infinite, it then appears rather foolish for me to base my own perceived “truth” within the limitations imposed by the things that I have learned and the experiences that I have had.

As a qualifier, I must state that, although I do consider myself a spiritual person, I have not attended a church in nearly two decades.  The following is simply a story representing my point of view, not an attempt at proselytizing.  Therefore, it is with an open mind and heart that I share this story with you.

Many years ago I read a story about Lord Thomson of Fleet.  Someone asked him if he believed in life after death.  Although I have forgotten where I heard the story of his reply, the gist of it remains buried deep in my memory.  I found the story so powerful and comforting, that I have incorporated it into my own belief system.  I will share this story, (in my own words) as best as I can remember it.

The Changing of Matter, Matters

Once, in a place of great love, peace and joy existed ‘Little One’ who being ethereal, was without form or shape.  ‘Little One’ lived in harmony with many other ‘Little Ones’ just like himself.  Everything was wonderful.  ‘Little One’ could not imagine a better place.

One day, the ‘Creator of All’ approached ‘Little One’ and said, ‘Little One’, fruit of my creation, the time has come for you to leave this place; to go to a place of great warmth and wonder.”  

‘Little One’ was dismayed, for he loved the ‘Creator of All’ and he loved this place of great love, peace and joy.  ‘Little One’ said, “I do not want to leave.  There can be no place more wonderful than this.”  The ‘Creator of All’ said, “Go forth, ‘Little One’, for it is in the ‘Transformation’ that you will find happiness.”  ‘Little One’ did not understand and was afraid of the unknown.

The ‘Great Day of Transformation’ arrived.  ‘Little One’ soon became very happy with his ‘Transformation’, into the new form of his existence.  As he floated in a watery warmth, he found the happiness that the ‘Creator of All’ had promised. He was connected to a long tube that drifted away from him.  Everything that he needed flowed through this tube to nurture him.  From somewhere came soft, muffled sounds that comforted him.  Everything was wonderful.  ‘Little One’ could not imagine a better place.

After a time that seemed to pass much too quickly, the ‘Creator of All’ said, “Little One’, fruit of my creation, the time has come for you to leave this place; to be born unto a place of great love and adventure.” 

‘Little One’ was dismayed, for he loved the ‘Creator of All’ and he loved this place of great love, warmth and wonder.  ‘Little One’ said, “I do not want to leave.  There can be no place more wonderful than this.”  The ‘Creator of All’ said, “Go forth, ‘Little One’, for it is in the ‘Transformation’ that you will find happiness.”  ‘Little One’ did not understand and was afraid of the unknown.

The ‘Great Day of Transformation’ arrived.  ‘Little One’ was afraid.  His world was coming apart.  He was leaving this place of great love, warmth and wonder.  He crossed the threshold to a place of bright light and noise.  ‘Little One’ was afraid, but only for a moment. 

Soon he found himself in the loving embrace of the mother and father who were very excited at his arrival.  They knew his name, for they said, “Oh ‘Little One’, we have waited so long to have you to love.  Everything was wonderful.  ‘Little One’ could not imagine a better place.

Days turned into weeks that became months, that flowed into year after year of a very happy life.  “Little One”, loved the blue of the sky, the warmth of the sun and the feeling of the soil beneath his feet.  He was surrounded by people that he loved, and who loved him.  He wanted to stay in this wonderful world forever.

One day, the ‘Creator of All’ approached ‘Little One’ and said, “ ‘Little One’, fruit of my creation, the time has come for you to leave this place; to go to a place of great love, peace and joy.”  

‘Little One’ was dismayed, for he loved the ‘Creator of All’ and he loved this place of great love and adventure.”  ‘Little One’ said, “I do not want to leave.  There can be no place more wonderful than this.”  The ‘Creator of All’ said, “Go forth, ‘Little One’, for it is in the ‘Transformation’ that you will find happiness.”  ‘Little One’ did not understand and was afraid of the unknown.

The ‘Great Day of Transformation’ arrived.  ‘Little One’ was afraid.  His world was coming apart.  He was leaving this place of great love, and adventure.  Everything that he knew and loved would be gone.  Everyone that he loved and who loved him would be gone. 

Thank you for your thoughts on what happens after we die and for your courage to share what helped you to resolve this deepest of profound questions. I find explanations from the religious traditions frustrating at best and they do nothing to alleviate the despair. I felt so alienated in that I couldn't be like everyone else and “just believe” or to just “stop asking the questions before I drove myself crazy”. Truly, trying to find answers was the lesser evil over succumbing to resignation.

I'm actually quite stunned at what I have discovered in my search. Contrary to what I thought and in the words of a philosopher Steven Pinker, I was not “condemned to ponder perplexity”. I heard something said on TV that caught my attention and picked up a book at the library. It turned out to be a book on existentialism. Gulp...the reading was extremely difficult. One sentence at a time, put the book down, think about what was said and then onto the next sentence. Yes, that slow, because every word was packed full of meaning and nuance and background. Deep deep thinker who wrote it.. Normally I would not have even given this complex literature a second look and most certainly not during this excrutiating experience of having someone I love die slowly and with chronic suffering.

Anyway, after carefully and slowly following the train of thought I began to understand the idea of nothingness. How no matter what I do to imagine nothingness that my consciousness has to come into play in order for nothingness to exist. I know, how can nothing exist? It was a hard read for sure.LOL I was limited in my intellectual ability to grasp the concept in its fullness for sure. At the same time I had picked up a book that does a great job of explaining quantum physics to the average joe “The Holographic Universe” and was astonished to learn that subatomic particles of the atom actually change orbit and go from wavelength to particle upon being observed. Previously, also I had read Eben Alexanders account of a massive brain infection that shut down any of his cognitive functioning whatsoever and yet he came out of his coma with an extraordinary account of where he had been. All three readings started to link together...consciousness...observation...subatomic particle movement... and I realized that yes, there is something going on after we die, something that I could not grasp until I clumsily followed the thoughts of some of the worlds deepest thinkers. I experienced this glimpse and that was enough for me to understand that there is something more...something that can be described albeit from the deepest that science has to offer.