Thank you NatR for your posting. Your care and comfort brought tears to my eyes, as I read your kind words. As a mother of 4 daughters and the oldest daughter of 5 sibblings, I am the pillar of strength for my family(s) and very rarely am I recognized for my strength. So thank you again. Reading your posting made me feel like you know me so well, and calling me your dear friend was another touching gesture. Obviously you are a genuinely caring person. It comes out in your words; your magic wand may not be able to take away some of the pain, but your words definitely do. The stresses in my life are huge right now, but it is all relative. Just to clear up a misunderstanding, both my husband and I communicate very well with each other. He keeps me posted of what his day entailed, especially the appointments I cannot go to.
The loss and stress that I have today, always heals with time. When my dad passed away, the pain I felt was tremendous. I couldn't imagine ever living without that pain. We would be driving by a cemetary, and I would burst out crying, imaging my dad in the cold cold ground, all alone, in the dark. Now I imagine him every now and then, walking beside me, guiding me through all this "horror story". I enjoy when he comes to visit me in his dreams. But yes, time does heal everything (I guess the medication helps too, for my high cholesterol and blood pressure).
This forum is a GREAT place to vent; to just be myself. As a caregiver, I DID NOT know I needed support, until a friend (cancer survivor) asked me on Wednesday, do you have a support group? I couldn't believe I was so busy caring about my family, I forgot about me. Unfortunately, all my very good friends do not live near me, so I did have virtual support, but not support in the way I needed it. This forum is exactly what I need. It allows me to be open, honest and without judgement. It allows me to meet people with similar issues, and to respond in my own time. Sharing is how I release my stress, but because I'm such a private person, sharing doesn't come easy. Nor does trust. So, again, the perfect forum for privacy. I can talk about what is bothering me. For the past 5 years, we've been focusing on family, rebuilding our relationship with our grown up daughters, which was lost when they were in the middle to late teens. Because family has been so important, both my husband and I are best friends. We do everything together! We haven't had a chance to build our support and friendship group in our community.
I've been trying to take care of myself - I know my health is just as important as those I am a caregiver to. Both my daughter and I will be joinging Curves next week. Not to lose weight, but to tone up on our muscles and to get in shape.
With a positive body, comes positive thoughts. Again, NatR, thank you. You are awesome, and I am so happy to have you as a friend.