It’s been a month since my mother passed away.
I know it sounds weird for a daughter to say that, but I wish so much that I could take mom's place instead because she deserved life much more than I do. She was more hardworking, more loving, more responsible, more wise and better at everything that I am or will ever be, why her and not She loved my intensely and was very overly so protective of me, and I lived with her for my whole life. She was, and is my everything and more.
She suffered a lot from lung cancer, particularly during the last month of her life; she passed away 17 months after she was diagnosed. It caused me intense pain when I think about the pain my mom has to go through. She was so full of love and full of life. She is my greatest love and my greatest loss and it’s particularly painful for two facts; she never expected to have lung cancer because she never smoked and she died at 56.
The disease caused her intense distress during the last two weeks of her life and I was grateful that I was always by her bed side at the palliative hospital room. Her last days keep replaying in my mind. I was in absolute despair as i watched my mom quickly losing her ability to speak or even drink sips of water. She spent her last day in a semi comatose state. She was so brave; she faced the disease head on even after she broke her cancer ridden leg. She used the walker so well but eventually she became bed ridden. As these all unfolded, all I could do was NOTHING, I could only watch helplessly as she died.
I know my mom wants me to live and often encouraged me to live bravely. I know all about that but all I can think about is, I WISH IT WAS ME. I want to make the sacrifices for my mom because she made enough sacrifices for me all her life; she was the least deserving person to receive this fate!! I will love and miss my mother forever and I will grieve for everything that happened to my mom until my last breath. Thanks for reading