Wow, Shelly and Marstin. Thank you so, so much for your wonderful postings. You two should write a book called Bearing Witness to Grief for Dummies. I’m not being facetious, here.
As a hospice resident support volunteer, I often feel like a dummy. I have been volunteering for 3 years now and I truly feel as though it will be a 10 year apprenticeship, just to achieve basic competency. And forever after I will be learning.
Your two postings are like the two sides of a coin, expressed from the caregiver and the one who suffers. You both offer such great insight that will be invaluable to all those who read them. Thank you so much.
Most volunteers have no professional training in palliative care or assisting the grieving person other than the 30 hour course we take before becoming a volunteer. The saving grace for a volunteer, is the power of compassion and the big heart that they bring to their acts of service, to comfort those who suffer.
Shelly, I found it so refreshing, to hear your candor in expressing the angst that you have felt at certain times during the “learning curve” part of your career. Your insightful analysis breaks it down into simple, understandable components that are so helpful to others. This sentiment, coming from a professional, helps put into perspective the anxiety and fear of failure that a hospice volunteer feels from time to time.
It can be awkward for a volunteer (especially a new one) when they find themselves trying to relate to a resident or a family member of a resident. We are guided by two motives, a) to do no harm, and b) bring comfort and peace. To complicate matters, every resident is different – and they can change daily. Also every family member and family dynamic is different.
I will use your comments, Shelley as a study guide and use your guidance as a fundamental part of my ongoing training. Thank you so much.
And Marstin, thank you so much for being so honest with your feelings and laying such great information for “we who cannot not know what you feel”. It must be doubly sad for you, when those who you want and expect to help you, fail to help you at all, and then to see those who want to help, stumble because they have no clue how to help effectively.
In certain situations it is very difficult to understand what a grieving person is thinking and what their needs are. Probably this is true because I have not walked in their shoes. But I dearly do want to understand and help as much as I can. What you have written will help me become a better volunteer.
As a volunteer, when we are “one on one” with a grieving person, we are not the most qualified person who could be there. But often, we are the only one there – and that has to count for something. You have clarified many things for me that will point me in the right direction when engaging with a new person. Wow, your information is so valuable.
I will read, and re-read your comments, Marstin and like Shelley’s comments, make them an integral part of my on-going training. Thank you so much for your insight and your wonderful teachings.
I hope to see more of your wonderful writings in the future, Shelley and Marstin. You have no idea how much your insight is needed and how many people you will help in the future.
- eKim