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New here - Mom stage 4 Colon Cancer with mets in a number of different places 
Started by Geranium Sunshine
14 Dec 2020, 4:31 AM

Hi,

I am new here and really just looking for support for myself and my family as we go through the journey of my mom's cancer.  She has stage 4 Colon Cancer with mets in her lungs, liver, aorta and pancreas.  We will be discussing our palliative options after Christmas, but my dad who is her caregiver is struggling...we all are here,

I would love to find some support for myself, my teenage children and my father and I am hoping to find that (or a connection to that) here.

Thank you
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14 Dec 2020, 2:50 PM

Good morning Geranium Sunshine, Welcome.
What a tough time, in the  midst of a tough year and a tough time of year. I know others from the community will come along to add their support. I was looking through the Programs and Services and wondered if you had heard of Dr. Jay's Children's Grief Centre? I know that many programs offer online or distance support.

Your nickname has a lovely strong sound about it, but geraniums bend too. How are you managing in the midst of decisions and supporting so many people?

Katherine
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Reply by eKIM
14 Dec 2020, 4:58 PM

Hello Geranium Sunshine.

I love the name you chose.  My wife keeps a large garden.  It always makes me smile.

I am so sorry that you and your family are going through these very tough times.  

I hope that you can find moments of peace here and there.  

I will send you the occasional thought of peace and loving-kindness.   I'm sure that will other people that you know will as well, with thoughts, prayers and meditations, according to their belief system.


I kind of think of it as the “Original Internet”.  You don’t even have to know the person you are addressing.  You simply send a kind thought skyward.  The thought (amazingly) gets redirected and somehow finds the correct recipient!


How do you know when you have received such a “message”?  It might be as simple as a long, slow breath between sobs of grief.  It might be a pleasant memory.  It might be a funny story about your Mom. 


My Mom who passed away, often makes me smile in this way – just to let me know that she’s still with me but in a different way.


Moments of true peace may be few and far between, but take them when they appear.  Hold on to them, cherish them and hold them close. Use them to sustain you. 


I have found that journaling is very helpful for stress relief.  If you wish, you can relate some stories here.


We are all here to support you, Geranium Sunshine.  “Talk” to us whenever you need us.  eKim


 


Geranium


We are sad.  We miss the sweet flowers as winter draws upon us.


Yet we rejoice in the new flowers of spiring, part of re-creation.


We are sad.  We miss our loved ones when they leave us.


Yet we rejoice when we gaze upon the faces of our children.


Faces that are part of loved one's creation.


Therin lies the meaning of our lives.


 


Sunshine


We are sad.  We miss the sunshine when the clouds appear.


Yet we rejoice when the clouds drift apart and the sunshine warms us anew.


Therein lies the source of our joy.


- eKim



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15 Dec 2020, 3:00 AM

Thank you both for your replies.  Katherine, I appreciate the links for the support group for youth, I will look into it further.

The name I chose is based on my mom.  Her favourite flower is a geranium and she is probably the most eternally happiest person I have ever had the pleasure of knowing, therefore sunshine.  You also asked how I was supporting myself.  Honestly, I am not sure how I am going to.  I struggle thinking about how I will cope with my grief plus that of my children, father and family.  

ekim, thank you for your truly wonderful words and sharing in the ways you have dealt with the passing of your mom, for which I am sorry that is something you have had to experience as well.  In the coming days/weeks (we really never know how much time we have do we?!) I will rejoice in the moments, the life lived and the endless love she has given to me, to all of us.  Your response was such a beautiful moment in my day, so thank you.

GS


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Reply by NatR
15 Dec 2020, 4:16 PM

Dear Geranium Sunshine,

A beautiful name as others have said.  Heartbreaking that you and yours are dealing with such a serious matter concerning your mom.  I am however reading between the lines and and I sense your strength in drawing everyone together under your wing - encouraging and supporting your family members and your dad 

Be mindful of your own energy level.  We are always so hard on ourselves / keeping everyone else going - it's a focus and distraction to caregive - I also am a caregiver - worked as a psw before returning 10 yrs ago.  My own inability to self-care was something I had to admit.

I hope I guessed correctly- if not please know that each person here understands what you are going through - just being able to wrire your feelings down helps a lot

Katherine has mentioned supports and is the kindest person - we are here for you.  
be encouraged that others hear you.  Know we all have had difficult journeys also  and know you can say what's on your heart - no judgement here 

Sending you warm thoughts and a virtual hug.  Be kind to yourself today
 
Sincerely 
natR ❤️
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23 Dec 2020, 2:09 AM

I wanted to say that I have reached out to our local hospice and I have a meeting with them after Christmas.  I just wonder if thats soon enough - I would like to have some plans in place so that my dad can feel less "lost" in all the emotion and turmoil her passing will bring.
Covid has changed everything and I fear not being able to see my mom or be with my dad and sister as mom lives out the remaining part of her journey.  
She has been in bed a lot more these last few days, today with a fever and no appetite at all.  From what I have been reading, it sounds very common with mets in the liver and lungs.
I guess tonight I am really just sad and unsure how to deal with the coming events.  

Thank you for having a forum to simply share.

GS
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Reply by NatR
23 Dec 2020, 2:55 AM

Dear GS,

not sure I can help much but wanted you to know we are out here - and im glad you wanted to reach out ... 
the timing of sickness is never convenient and frankly with Covid and Christmas happening right now, I'm thinking that you have been fortunate to get connected to hospice.  I know you are concerned about your Dad and I hope that things fall into place as close to perfect timing as you can get.

hearing about how your mom is doing - is so hard - you must feel like you wish you could do more - and that is a hard thing.  You started the ball rolling and your efforts arent wasted.  

im glad you are dropping in to share how you are doing / and I wish I could be more helpful.  i feel for you, I know you wish you could do more, and faster, but you are doing ok

we are here, we care, and I just want you to know there are real people behind the typed words 
tonight I hope you will rest for tomorrow- and know you aren't alone  

sincerely,
natR 
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Reply by eKIM
23 Dec 2020, 3:52 PM

Geranium Sunshine, your "name" makes me smile.

I hope that thoughts of love give you a reason to smile.

Peace be with you, sweet girl.

We're here when you need us.

- eKim
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