Hi Pooka:
I just now saw your message and I hear your hurt and frustration, not to mention sheer exhaustion! I don't have the answer about when you shoud call hospice, but from reading your other posts to Carriek I got the impression that your husband still may want to choose more active treatment. If this is the case, could that be the reason his doctor is not suggesting hospice at this point in time?
It's almost 2 am and I need to sleep, but I just wanted to let you know before I do that I saw your message. There are many other members here who are better able to address your concerns because they have experience working or volunteering with hospice and I'm sure someone will soon respond to you.
Wishing you a peaceful night and try to let your immediate worries go until you receive some guidance you can trust. I'm so sorry you have to go through all of this hardship and of course I feel very sad for your husband's situation.
Until the next time we chat, take care and get some rest, Pooka - we are listening!:-)
With affection -hugs- xo
Cath1