On another website, I came across this excellent list of things that people can do to help others experiencing grief in the loss of a loved one. A lot of this woman's suggestions would also be helpful for family and friends of those who are dealing with a terminally ill loved one:
Lana Swan writes:
It is my impression that those who are most in need of help are least able to ask.
Other than the physical presence of those who cared for me and were able to actually come and be with me, the most helpful things were:
1- A card with a list of concrete things the person had to offer listed 1, 2, 3.
2- Invitations to coffee, dinner, a walk, a visit or whatever
3- Cards and letters with pictures or memories of Brooke (her daughter, who died at 16)
4- Advice to accept any and all offers of help
5- Information about and attending a grief support group
6- A place for relatives to stay
7- Transportation to/from the airport for relatives
8- Assistance in planning and organizing the funeral
9- Non-perishable food items
10- Listmaking and recordkeeping so thank yous can be sent
Things which would have been helpful, but weren't offered:
1- Transportation to doctor's appointments, grocery store, etc. It was really difficult to drive in the first days and weeks.
2- Assistance with errands, shopping, housecleaning, etc. Everything is SO hard when you're trying to rebuild your entire life, there is little energy for these essential tasks.
3- Childcare so you can rest without having to worry about the needs and safety of your surviving child or children.
4- Addressing and stamping envelopes for thank you notes.
(from http://www.webhealing.com/su.html#dale)