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Reply by Katherine N (Katherine@virtualhospice.ca)

12 Jun 2021, 1:14 PM

Hi
Welcome to the community Summer9. 'Terminal cancer' such hard words to hear, to say and to write. Thank you for the courage it took you to post on this thread. But I know too, that this is a safe community and you can talk about your fears, faith and sadness safely here.

I know with covid it has been hard to find the usual kinds of group support - has a social worker or counsellor at your treatment facility been able to link you with anyone?

Do you have family, close friends who know how you are feeling?

Warmly,
Katherine

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Reply by summer9

14 Jun 2021, 11:53 AM

Thank you so much. Please send spiritual messages any time,

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Reply by MargMarie

14 Jun 2021, 4:05 PM

Dear Summer9
I have been thinking about you and praying for a supernatural peace. I know that it must be difficult to imagine a loving God would allow us to suffer, and I want you to know that I am praying for healing. Ultimately, He has the final say in everything, but His Word says that He will never leave us or forsake us, and I hope you can draw on that as you sit in His prescence. 💕

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Reply by Karbell

07 Mar 2022, 1:17 AM

I also have terminal ca. I had endometrial ca ,surgery chemo, radiation. after two years it returned in the form of two abdominal tumours. Had same treatment with some reduction in size. I was told I might not last til September. I guess I am having palliative care as I Am off dialysis and some meds. I have kidney disease but have a little function. Been told to eat whatever I want as lost a lot of weight.
i was okay until. recently when I realized my death wasn't somewhere in the futire but could happen soon. I have been reading books about dying. Maybe that is why I am feeling down. I don't like not knowing how my disease will progress.I have good support from my family but they are dealing with their own stress right now and I don't want them to have to deal with my feelings right now. I feel so up in the air. I don't feel like doing anything. I find it hard to eat. I was told I need calories and protein so I am trying hard to do that. Otherwise I could die of malnutrition instead of cancer. At least I can control that. I am rambling. just feel like crying.
today is my first time posting.

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Reply by Katherine N (Katherine@virtualhospice.ca)

19 Mar 2022, 3:28 PM

Dear karbell,
First off I apologize for how long it has taken me to respond. What a lot you and your family have been carrying over the last months. As you were reading the posts on this thread - I hope you felt supported by those who would understand what a difficult road you are walking.

My husband died 6 years ago - I supported him as best I could, but looking back I know he was walking a lot of the time alone. Like your family I had my own worries, sadness and grief. Have you and your family found supports through the treatment centre or community supports? What books have you found helpful?

Thinking about you and yours today.
Katherine

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Reply by Karbell

19 Mar 2022, 4:27 PM

Kathrine
thank you for responding to what I know realize was a call for help. I just read a book by Kathryn Mannix called With the end in mind: dying,death, and wisdom in an age of denial. I found it very helpful in explaining how most people die. Do you know of any books written by people about their journey who are dying themselves?
I would be interested in the kinds of thoughts people have. i Tend to think that every little twinge I have is my cancer getting bigger and invading wherever the twinge is. I am trying to stop that kind of thinking but it is not always easy to do.
youasked about community help and no I haven't looked into that.
Thank you
Karbell

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Reply by Katherine N (Katherine@virtualhospice.ca)

19 Mar 2022, 6:28 PM

Hi
The number of people who post on this forum who have serious illness are few, but I am going to check on Monday with a colleague. I am not sure if you saw this thread started by Linda (also on this thread) - in 2015. Serious illness Linda wrote very honestly with serious humour:)

As well, here are a couple of short pieces that you might find helpful/useful:

How to die well

Does cancer not care that I have plans

A number of years ago I was talking with someone who was on the palliative care program and he said (as you have) that it was really hard to remember that a cold might just be a cold - not something marking the end of his life.

Do you have or would you be intereseted in speaking with a counsellor in your area? Not sure groups where you live have opened up - but is that a possibility?

I will keep looking -

Katherine

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Reply by eKIM

19 Mar 2022, 10:10 PM

I don't know what to say, Karbell, but I'll try.

I am so sorry that this is happening to you.

Can you share with us what is most on your mind?

If you tell us what it is, then we will know how to best respond.

None of us can offer answers.

All of us can offer love.

We are here for you if you need someone to "talk" to.

Many times we wish we had more people to listen to us.

People are afraid to say anything to us. They don't want to upset us - so they remain silent. And often this is the opposite of what we want.

Other times we don't ask for help - we don't want to burden others. And this is the opposite of what we need.

We're here for you, Karbell, if you need us.

eKim

I just read this book and I was so inspired by it. It has helped me accept my own mortality.

When Breathe Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/25899336-when-breath-becomes-air?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=qFIstxILPo&rank=1

When Breath Becomes Air

by Paul Kalanithi

4.37 · Rating details · 513,796 ratings · 39,401 reviews

For readers of Atul Gawande, Andrew Solomon, and Anne Lamott, a profoundly moving, exquisitely observed memoir by a young neurosurgeon faced with a terminal cancer diagnosis who attempts to answer the question 'What makes a life worth living?'

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Reply by Karbell

19 Mar 2022, 10:45 PM

Thank you Katherine and Ekim
Because most posts seemed so old. I shouldn't say this but I thought they probably died and this site wasn't active. But I felt better after I wrote that first long post even if it wasn't active. Of course now I find my fears were for nought and I have support here. I am thankful for that.

iwill try to see if the library has that book. I am feeling pretty good today. I had my fourth covid booster on Wednesday and have been feeling nauseous. is it cancer? I went out Friday with my daughter who also had a booster and she was feeling the same. I was of course relieved.

I do the bare minimum around my house (condo apt). I should do more but don't feel like it. Most I read. I don't really feel depressed just find it hard to make myself do much.

I haven't talked much re dying to my oldest daughter....who is 52 because I didn't think she was comfortable listening.. I decided to ask her in case I was wron. She assured me she wanted to know how I was feeling and was sorry that I had thought that. She wanted to know how I was feeling very much and we immediately set a date two days later And had a good talk. I was very glad I asked her.

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Reply by MargMarie

19 Mar 2022, 10:51 PM

Dear Karbell
I cannot imagine what you are going through right now, it must be a rollercoaster of emotions...if you have a faith in God, now is the time to lean on Him ....I have found that He has brought me peace when my life was turned upside down. Please know that I will be praying for you...
Marg

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