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Reply by NatR

27 Apr 2018, 2:40 AM

Hello Katherine
and you have a story with a few new things changing as well. Good to hear from you. Congrats on your daughters upcoming marriage - sounds like a unique wedding celebration for you to attend .... I hope it is a wonderful time
your comment about being overwhelmed with feelings memories and more has to ring true with us all... I do understand that sometimes there are times that we have to re-evaluate and then gear up to continue again
life seems to be that way - challenges and how to get through them - and this group of souls seems to know how to do that .
Wishing each of you good wishes and a smoother sail into the spring and summer ahead

I Just heard there are 3-4 black bears running around my town and to be Alert! You can be sure I will. I need to walk close to home and carry a stick and a whistle I think 🤔

the snow is melting fast and I hope the bears get going into the woods and stay away from us settlers lol

have a good night and a good Friday tomorrow:)
Best to each of you
hugs 🤗
NatR

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Reply by Xenia

27 Apr 2018, 2:51 PM

GoodMorning from the West Coast where it is very warm and sunny:

So good to hear from all the group on this site. Congratulations to you Katherine on your daughter's up coming marriage. You will find it so happy and then there will be mixed feelings I am sure as your beloved husband will not be with you and your daughter at this special time. You will certainly feel the pride of seeing your daughter married and will keep this in your memory book.

John and I waited for our only grandchild to marry and John passed away 6 months prior. What a happy time it was for Tyler and Cori and of course they missed grandpa not being there but he was there in spirit.

Jimmie: So often I go back to reading your words, words about the ocean and the waves and they have comforted me on days I thought I could not go on without John. Slowly I began to learn to live one day at a time. No one told me how and when it is appropirate to begin and end the grieving, no one told me what it would take out of my being but I turned to CVH so many times and slowly I learned that I was not alone and that so many had gone and were going through the same sorrowful journey I was and am on. This way I learned to carry on and keep the memory of John as part of my daily living and continue to do so.

I know you will be missing Sarah so very much and I share your grief and wish I could put my arms around you and be like a big sister and say, Jimmie...I know, I understand and will be here for you when you need a shoulder to cry on or just to speak about your heartache. Since I will not be close to you please use our group to lean on and we will be there to support you as you have supported us.

Nat and Nounce: So pleased to hear from you as well as Old Bat...we wove a friendship almost 4 years ago and although we are many miles apart we are still close like a family, ups and downs and there when needed.

Last night we had our Volunteer Dinner. I take part in a group called Knit Whyts, a number of ladies who knit and meet weekly. We send knitted items to those who need them such as when there was the huge fires in Norther B.C. ie 100 Mile House, Williams lake, etc. Toques, baby bonnets, children's sweaters, etc. etc. Even though it was summer we knew there would be a need early into the fall so our donations were greatly received. We also have a sale of our knitted crafts and items and the proceeds are put into a Tip Jar for the staff as they make the minimum wage and this way we can help them and many of us are on pension and do not have extra funds for the Tip Jar but this way we give. Yarn/wool is donated to us, often too much, and the cost is nothing but our time.

We had a delightful dinner, wine and dessert. Italian dinner, after the dinner we were entertained by the Italian Chorus and enjoyed it thoroughly.

As I sat and listend to the singing I had a moment of reflection of when I worked in a Senior'sHome many years ago and watched the residents enjoying the volunteers who came to entertains them with song whether it was from the local school and the singers would be children, then teen agers, various mixed Ethnic groups and groups who are singers who present their talents to the residents of many of the Seniors Homes.
Whoa, I thought, I am now one of those recepients of songs from the kindergarten kids, the teens, on and on. How did this happen, surely I am not that old now that I sit amongst the older residents, walkers strewn around, canes being dropped, hearing aides turned up, shuffling around. When did I get to be this person.

Oh well, I left after the entertainment and smiled at myself that Yes I am one of those older people. I got here after a life of toil, happiness, sadness, child raising, on and on and now it is my turn to be on the receiving line of many of the things I gave to society and accept it in the manner it is given and enjoy another phase in my life.

Today is a glorious day. I live on the 15th floor of a 19 floor building and am surrounded by mountains and the view of Vancouver, Out my East window I see the Burrard inlet which is part of the Pacific Ocean and see the many ships bringing their goods to Vancouver. Also, I see the tankers bringing oil to the refinery that is located on the edge of the Ocean, which as you are aware is causing BC heartache with the thought that the oil may spill into the ocean and contaminate the prestene waters on the coast. I will let the politicians deal with this even though I have mixed feelings as I would hate to see an oil spill and ruin the natural beauty of the Pacific Ocean and the surrounding area which I now see every day.

All for now...Am writing a book again. Keep in touch. My arhtritis is still there but easier today. Take care.

Hugs to All

Xenia

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Reply by Jimmie

28 Apr 2018, 3:25 PM

It is good to hear from all of you by luck, or circumstance, or perhaps a kind of providence - each one of you now a particular shade of light and quality of colour. Thank you for writing. My condolences to you, Nouce, after so many, many years of caring. I hope your new home offers you some warmth and rest.

Sarah's suffering and degradations over the last twenty years and especially of late were heart breaking to witness, and often impossible to comfort or ease. She did not deserve such misery. Not that anyone does. Her suffering and losses up to and including her dying days have left me staggered and disorented with grief and roiled by a troubling anger, and sense of injustice. For her, it was a constant, hard, cold rain, a relentless and cruel eroding away of dignity, purpose, meaning, and joy. It took everything - scoured away everything from her until there was nothing left for her body or spirit to give, and she died.

In the wake of her death, I am undone, exhausted and despondent. The days are hollow. Lately, I feel like I have slipped beneath the earth. I think this is the way of things. It seems I need to rest here, underground, away from the land of the living. I am close to Sarah here. There is a kind of privacy, a stillness I need here - a slowing down and settling into common silence. We remain a couple here. We lie down together. Night within night. Silence within silence - and renegotiate our lives. These things have a rhythm of their own I am told by those who have gone before. It is just as well. I am not in the mood to rush though others might grow impatient.

There is a need for tenderness this day and all days. There is a need for those of us who have lived long days to offer such tenderness to others in need of care. There is a need for friendships such as ours. All else seems like dross to me. All else meets with my indifference. The heart of the universe flows though our hearts, if it flows at all. Mountains move slowly. I am too tired to rush anymore.

-with much affection

Jim

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Reply by NatR

28 Apr 2018, 3:40 PM

Dear Jim
i hope you will be able to gather some strength for yourself. It’s a massive job being a caregiver and support person for your dear wife
I hope you will feel the thoughts sent you across the miles, and the hope that you will soon be able to fortify your self, to now take care of you and to know your comfort and peace is important too.

Be good to yourself,
hugs 🤗
NatR

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Reply by Nouce

29 Apr 2018, 11:14 PM

Dear Jimmie,

I am struck by the image of resting beneath the land of the living. May the humus, of which our humanity comes, grow deeper into you and Sarah.

Love, Nouce

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Reply by oldbat

06 May 2018, 6:09 PM

Dear all,
That means you Xenia. And Nouce. NatR. Katherine. Jimmie. And, if I've left anyone it out, do please forgive me.
I have read all your messages over and over again. Rejpiced at stories of renewed happiness. Wept with those who are struggling through the hideous thicket of grief.
My silence over the past week or longer has been due solely to the fact that I am still struggling with the move into Karl's long-term care home. The period of adjustment has been, in many ways, much more difficult than I had anticipated. The loss of our home, and pretty much everything in it, has been searing. I am adjusting slowly, oh so slowly. But I have been helped, so much, but the immeasurable kindness of my neighbours in our apartment building and the understanding and empathy of the staff here. Without my neighbours I would have had to take only a few treasures, and abandon the rest. But many people stepped in to nake sure that that didn't happen. They held sales in the building, and even on Kijiji and, over three months, pretty much sold and/or disposed of nearly everything. Even left me with some cash in hand. This has been overwhelming. I didn't even know some of these people. And those I did hadn't really seen much of me since Karl had his stroke six years ago. I was consumed with care-giving and simply isolated myself.
At this end, I have been met with nothing but kindness, understanding and help. Strangely, I found this difficult to deal with initially. I had been so solitary for so long that coping with community - a very caring community - was been yet another learning curve. But I'm getting there. The greatest discovery was that, in the middle
of this group living, I still have complete autonomy. Couldn't cope without that. I've been on my own since I was 17!
The most challenging part of this new life is reconfiguring my relationship with Karl. This has been totally unexpected. But that's another story for another day! TBC!

Please bear with me. I'm still writing everything on my cell phone. A major pain! Haven't had time - or the energy - to get my laptop organized. I am so done with Rogers! Looking for a new ISP. Easier said than done.
I have started a blog on my recent experiences. It's called "... the fat lady sings". and, in addition to chronicling recent experiences, I intend to use it as a platform to continue my advocacy for seniors - still being abominably treated by all levels of government. Are you still with me, Xenia?
So there you have it. More batshit from oldbat. Thinking of renaming myself: Dona Quixota!
Forgive.any typos in here. Miniature screens are not my forte.
It was so wonderful to reconnect with all of you recently. Please keep the camaraderie going. I promise to do my share.

Oldbat

.

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Reply by NatR

07 May 2018, 12:04 AM

Dear Oldbat

what a nice note - and thank you for typing on the small screen / I do use my phone most of the time but it’s not always perfect
I heard your pain and fatigue - the need to rely on others whom you didn’t even know - they stepped in When you needed the support! That’s terrific !! They are angels in your community, and I understand how difficult it is to let others do for you when it feels so alien .... I understand that feeling also 😐

i thibj it makes me feel inadequate - which is so hard for those “do it all myself “ kind of people that I find myself connected to. It’s hard but you got through it, you did ok, you even got cash money in your pocket.

i know nothing can replace the independent life you once had - but I do hope you will come to feel more comfortable with your present circumstances
how lovely to hear that your new location cams with empathetic staff, we sure need those people :)

To all of the listening in members of Virtual Hospice I send spring thoughts. It’s very slow in Northern Ontario but it’s gonna get here! It’s still chilly and I am still adapting to my location - a lovely apartment building full of older folks like myself

I think we all wish we could change some things but I have to admit that it is comforting to be in the same age group as my neighbours - and to have social activities and be included

life is all about change and we have to bend with that change or break in the battle 😉

carry on Oldbat
carry on everyone
now it’s someone else’s turn to give an update :)
hugs all round
thinking of you all ,
NatR 🌹😍

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Reply by Xenia

07 Mar 2022, 4:06 PM

Good morning. This is Xenia from the west coast. I have not been on messaging for a number of years. I miss all of you. Old at jtmmie,Nat and so many more. I hope to get on line and in touch to all my friends and reconnect. I have travelled a few roads since John passed away Seven years and still I talk to him but have moved on. If you all are on board I hope we can reconnect and share our passages again. Take care. Your virtual hospice friend Xenia

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Reply by NatR

07 Mar 2022, 4:08 PM

Does my heart good to see familiar people pop up. So glad to hear you are doing ok xenia
every day is a fresh start and often new challenges but I guess that's life. Hope you still have a view of ships and water
hugs NatR 😍

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Reply by Jimmie

07 Mar 2022, 8:57 PM

Morning, Afternoon, and Evening, Xenia and Natr:

After an hour or so of struggling to remember how to technically write a response to your most recent posts, I seem to have broken through my private "cloud of unknowing" and apparently secured an opportunity to shout out a jubilant "hello" from the East Coast to the two of you and any other individuals who might have stumbled upon this correspondence.

I have not been active on this site for quite a while, but could not resist responding to your posts given the history we shared for a number of years and the sweetness of the comfort you provided me during that time.

A bit of an update: Sarah, my partner of 47 years died 4 years ago this month, one day after my birthday. A year or so after her death, I met a wonderful lady who had lost her husband and son to cancer. We were both members of a national palliative care committee. Over time, we reached a point where we found ourselves easing into a delightful, loving and supportive partnership. It was an exceptionally enriching relationship. Unfortunately, within a year, she was diagnosed with an inoperable brian tumour and died two weeks after the diagnosis was confirmed. That was a year ago, Christmas. A month later, I was diagnosed with my third cancer - multiple myeloma - and have been in treatment ever since.

Obviously, it's been a difficult period of time for me of late. However, having brought you up to date on my current circumstances, I am not writing today to linger on those difficulties. Rather, I am writing to profess once again my gratitude and affection to you. You and the other individuals with whom I regularly exchanged messages within the security of this forum were such a comfort to me, a delight. It was such a relief to meet each one of you and to live in and through such a compassionate community.

I am older now than when we first met. I am, to be honest, in many respects more tired and reclusive than I was before. I think that is to be expected, all things considered. Nevertheless, there remains a spark within me that has urged me to write once more in honour and celebration of you. Let me lift that spark, faltering though it might be, aloft like some Olympic flame that you might catch sight of it though I am miles and years away. Let me praise you, ackowledging your grief and wounds, but praise you as the fine, fine individuals you have proven yourselves to be.

it has been my good fortune to have stumbled upon such companions. I have been broken into pieces of late, but when I think of you, a kind of wholeness is restored. Thank you for the generosity of your spirits. Thank you for the tenderness of your understanding and support. Raise the flags, let the bells ring out. In spite of the sadness haunting the world both privately and publicly, you are proof against my despondency. Your compassion gives me hope and courage.

Thank you for writing and extending your hands across great distances once again. I am not alone when I am in your presence though we have never met in person. Such solidaity needs to be acknowledged and championed.

With affection and gratitude -

Jimmie

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