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10 months of Pallative care for dad 
Started by LucieF
21 Jun 2023, 2:53 AM

Sept 2022 my dad's diagnosis was that he had 6-12 months to live, due to lung cancer spread to both lungs.
a follow up scan in Dec and visit to the oncologist reconfirmed the diagnosis. My dad lives in NL and had been assigned a pallative care team whom have been connecting with him ever since. He is 80 and decided against treatment...he had undergone radiation multiple times, but didn't want to go through chemotherapy and immunotherapy.
I live in ON, but came home at Christmas and now for Father's Day. I've noticed changes in his breathing and not being able to walk far. I'm home with him for another week and plan to return in Aug for his birthday or earlier if needed!
I feel guilty because I should be here with him! He's alone! He lives in a seniors apartment. There are family friends who take him out and check on him.
It's so hard being away from him. Thankfully we can chat daily with FaceTime. But the guilt is really playing on my mind!
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Reply by eKIM
23 Jun 2023, 1:34 AM

Dear Lucief

It is common for many people in your situation to have guilt feelings. 

I know I did when we were living in Nova Scotia and my mother (near the end of her life) was in Ontario.  She had my sister and a whole team of people looking after her.

What helped me deal with my guilt was the knowledge of how much my mother loved me and only wanted what was best for me. 

She always had sacrificed her own best interests for what was best for her children. 

She knew that I had responsibilities to tend to, with my own family and my job. 

To honour her unconditional and unlimited love, I have dedicated my life to begin the kind of parent that she was to me. 

I know that as I write this, she is looking down, smiling and saying, "You always were a good boy." 

- eKim
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