Thank you so much Dave. I think Dad is going to leave us sooner that we originally thought. We saw him last night and he was very weak. He could hardly speak. He's no longer eating solid food, and he's hardly drinking any water. Only to get meds down, and maybe a sip or two here and there. He's also begun to sleep a lot and a visit tires him out. He has lost interest in things. Hasn't even opened up the bags of goodies I took to him on Wednesday. The nurse said that this is all part of the natural process. By that, I assume she means the natural dying process. She thinks that Dad thinks that this is taking too long. I think he's ready, but it's not happening fast enough for him.
My feelings are so mixed right now. I don't want him to go, I can't imagine my family's life without him as a fixture in it. And yet, I don't want him to suffer any more. More than anything, I want him to be at peace and pain free. I want to be with him when he passes and I want to hold his hand so he knows that someone who loves him dearly is near. I have a HUGE fear that I won't make it in time, when I get the call. I know that sounds selfish on my part, but I can't help it. It will break my heart if I don't get to say a final goodbye as he's leaving us.
How are you making out? I hope you are receiving all the support you need through your time of grief, and I hope you have someone nearby that you can lean on when you feel overwhelmed. Sometimes it's hard to ask for help, I think especially as a man. Society says you need to be strong and stoic all the time. Don't let society's expectations prevent you from expressing your grief as you need to. You obviously adored your wife and you need to experience your sorrow in a way that honours her and the relationship you had. What was your wife's name?