Happy belated Birthday. I am glad to hear from you. I understand what you are going through and I more than understand your last paragraph. My mother was told it was vertigo and then an ear infection for months. Until one day on a scan it was a brain tumor and life and death to remove as much as possible. I feel for you and you are not alone in what you are experiencing and feeling. Tonight I am sitting here crying my eyes out as it's my Mom's birthday on Sunday and just last year I took her out and she had such a great time and she was happy and healthy. I want all that back, I want my Mom. Like you, my Mom was my world, my besty, my partner, my confidant. There is not a single soul in my life who understand my loss. My pain is deep and so is yours and thank goodness for our reasons for living, our children. I am 40 years old with a 22 year old son and a husband who is away a lot. I can't tell you how many times I have cried on the phone and he never even knew it. Or how many nights I cried while he was beside me and he never knew. I find my evenings to be the hardest. I can't get my mind or memories to stop, I don't like being alone by myself as this is when I feel my worst. I want to hear her voice, I want to talk to her, I want to smell her smell. I hear you, you are not alone because I know your loss and I am going through the same thing. You are not a coward, you are grieving and this a hard, painful time in your life.
Thinking about you my friend, know that you are not alone
Hugs
Tricia