Dear Jaidey:
My heart and arms reach out to you in your grief.
You say you cannot describe the pain and hurt you are feeling. I share your pain and hurt as I lost my husband of 59 years on January 10, 2015,
I understand your wanting to have said all the things you wanted to say, I too look back and say to myself, why didn;t you do this, do that, say this say that. Too many regrets that in reality could never have been done as we were caring form aloved one and all the attention was on helping them through their journe.
As you I had to take my husband into hospital just before he died. He wanted to die at home but it was not to be. I cared for him for over 18 months at home so to release him to the hospital was hard to do but had to be done. I go through my thoughts and try to remember the best of the times we had together during his illness, the closeness we shared and know I did the right thing by releasing him when his time came.
I cannot give you advise on how to cope,rememgering and knowing how much you loved and miss your mother is so individual. I can say to you, I share your pain, I cry for you and along with you as I shed tears for my husband, I weep for you in your sorrow and know we are feeling the pain of losing someone dear to us.
I would have loved to have the wisdom of Saul and the patience of Job and be able to give you some great and understanding words to help you through your journey of losing your mother, but I am human who can only say, I share you loss and feel your hurt and know if you keep writing and reading on this forum the pain will ease somewhat as you see and read others messages knowing you are not alone.
I send you hugs and love across the miles, you are at one end of Canada and I am at the other furtherst west but we share our pain as if we were neighbours.
Xenia