My twin and I were identical twins and extremely close to our whole life! We felt when each other needed the other when each other was pregnant, even went through each other's labor and delivery. We even knew when something was wrong with each other, even though after our marriages we lived in different cities and reached out to the other. We had our own private jokes without saying at first what we were laughing about, we'd look at each other and burst out in laughter, when we could catch our breath we would ask "what are you laughing about" it was always the same thing which made us laugh harder. It drove our family and friends nuts, they knew not to ask us what was so funny we rarely told them. We would think about each other and whenever that happened we'd pick up the phone and when we answered our response was always "I was just thinking about you"! We spoke 15 to 20 times a day so she decided to move to the city I live in to grow old with each other, only to learn a month after she moved here she had terminal cancer and there was no way I could save her this time!!! Which left me feeling I failed her!

We loved tricking our family, friends, and teachers. The only one we couldn't trick was my grandmother and her twin sister, we were born on their birthdays!

I lost my sister three times, the day we were told she had terminal cancer, the day she was too sick to remember things, even the funny things, and the day she got her angel wings 9 months ago. The worse day of my life to never be the same again! When I lost other siblings my grief was nowhere near what it's at right now for my twin sister, my other half to never be whole again!! I can't find a group in Canada for those who lost a twin-like in the USA and no one understands what I'm going through which has made things worse for me. Very lonely, I'm afraid forever! I have a loving hubby and children but they don't understand what's going on inside me they just try to be patient when I have crying spells which are often at times.

It was one year on October 10th past that she moved here, only to lose her way too soon!! I kept every promise I ever made like we both did for each other but I couldn't save her this time. A knife cut into my heart the moment two doctors and two counselors came in to tell us, all she could say, "I need you to get me through this" before we even entered the hospital as if she knew something serious was going to go wrong and there it was!!!

My life has never been the same and I know it won't be but did it have to happen this way?

Forever to be lost!!!