Coping With Stress - One Person's Viewpoint

 I am sharing this simply as a personal example of coping techniques that I use to help me deal with the potential of stress in my work as a hospice volunteer.  I do not presume for one minute that this is a prescription for success for anyone else.  However, if only one tiny bit of this helps only one person then, I am happy. 

 Although I am not a “churchgoer” I am a very spiritual person.  My faith is the biggest factor in my “coping techniques”.  Because this is such a personal and individual matter, I will not address it here.

I find that the most important thing for me is to focus on those things that will lead me from a negative state of mind, to a positive state of mind.  I have made a list (shared here) that lays out my most effective coping mechanisms. 

 Just as I would apply direct pressure to a cut, at the first sign of stress, I take immediate action. I go through my list of coping mechanisms and I apply the technique that is most appropriate for the given moment.  The current situation that I find myself in will govern the particular method that I chose.

POSITIVE MEMORIES:  

I look back and remember all the positive memories of my life.  Whenever a negative or sad memory pops up, I replace it with a positive, happy memory.  I remind myself that a) I cannot stop myself from thinking, b) I can only think of one thing at once.  c) holding a positive and a negative thought simultaneously is impossible and d) I can choose which thought to think.

SUPPORT FROM FAMILY AND FRIENDS:  

I seek out those who support and uplift me.  Their love renews and restores me.  I avoid (as much as possible) those who make me sad or do not do a very good job of supporting and encouraging me.  By the way, although we at Virtual Hospice are merely Virtual Friends, concentrate on the “friend” part.  We listen, we care, and we share.  Anyone can (anonymously) speak from the heart without fear of being judged.
 

CONFIDING IN SOMEONE I TRUST: 

I talk to and confide in those people who want, only to listen, compassionately without offering platitudes and solutions that are not realistic.
 

POSITIVE ATTITUDE & POSITIVE ENVIRONMENT:  

I try as hard as I can to maintain a positive environment.  Whenever some “small stuff” surfaces, I immediately choose not to react in a negative manner. 
 

JOURNALING:  

I journal.  Writing down my feelings is very cathartic and it really helps me find a release for pent up emotions.

PHYSICAL EXERCISE:  

Even something simple like short walk in the fresh air can be invigorating.
 

READING:  

I read fiction to take my mind to another “place”.
 

QUOTES:  

I have a list of uplifting quotes that I have collected over the years.  I read them to boost my spirits.
 

SINGING:  

I sing. You really have to try hard to feel sad while you sing a joyful song.
 

MUSIC:  

I listen to music, especially upbeat music.
 

SEEK HAPPINESS:  

If I am feeling sad, I try to discover happiness in small things.  It doesn’t matter that the objects or events are small.  What matters is that I find happiness in many of them, and often.  I have to work at this, but it is so worthwhile.  I make a concerted effort to keep my sense of humour intact.  I suppose it is an avoidance technique to prevent me from focusing on the “bad stuff”, but it works for me.
 

ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE:  

I find that feeling grateful for all the wonderful parts of my life is a great method of pulling myself out of an introspective funk. 
 

MEDITATION:  

I meditate to quiet my mind.  I concentrate on “breathing in” and “breathing out”.
 

LIVE IN THE MOMENT:  

I use the following metaphor:  “I am lying in a beautiful tropical stream in total peace and harmony.  I notice several pieces of trash float by.  Instead of having a harsh reaction, I simply observe the trash float by.  Soon it is gone, and I resume my peaceful, attitude of living “in the moment.”
 

MINDFULNESS:  

I work hard at learning how to be “mindful”, “in the moment” and “fully present” when I am with a resident or a family member.  I have done an extensive study of Eckhart Tole’s wonderful book “The Power of Now”. 
 

MINDLESSNESS:  

Just as mindfulness is important, so is mindlessness.  To combat the effects of stress, I will engage in mindless tasks such as, playing a video game, researching something on the internet, listening to comedians and other such activities.  I find that when I lose myself in a mindless activity, I don’t think about the events that have caused me to feel stress.

MAN’S BEST FRIEND:  

We have a big, furry, delightful bundle of unlimited and unconditional love – his name is Kaiser, and yes, he’s a dog.  If I am in a negative mood, simply putting my arms around his neck and burying my face in his fur helps a lot to change my mood for the better.  Dogs somehow can sense a “hurtin’ soul” and are great at being by your side until you feel better.  I think that if I didn’t have a dog, I would borrow a friends dog, or just visit some dogs at a shelter.

DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF:  

I recognize that a lot of the “stuff” that bothered me in the past, now does not bother me at all. 

DON’T BE A DRAMA QUEEN/KING AND STAY AWAY FROM THOSE THAT ARE:  

I find that being in the presence of people who make a “big deal” out of nothing, wears me down.  I spend as little time as possible with them.

 
PERFORM ACTS OF KINDNESS:  

When I am in a “negative and/or stressed” mood, I try the following technique to boost my spirits and put me back into a positive frame of mind/spirit:  I do something nice for someone.  Then, I think about it a lot.  This raises my self-esteem and elevates my mood by making me concentrate on being “outward reaching” as opposed to “inward seeking”.  When the effect wears off, I take this as a sign to go out and do something nice for someone, all over again. 

Hi Razz,

I love your example. I seem to have no trouble with implementing the ”MY STUFF”, or “NOT MY STUFF” philosophy.  I have heard the same philosophy describe in a different manner.  It goes like this:

Draw a very large circle with a very small circle in the centre of the large circle.  Between the two circles, make a bunch of dots with a pencil.  Each dot represents some big problem over which you have no control, i.e. war, crime, evil, “man’s inhumanity to man”, etc. etc.

In the small circle, place several dots.  Each dot represents something over which you have control.  i.e. your attitude, the way in which you treat those that you come in contact with each day, your own morals, etc. etc.

Spend as little time as possible concentrating on the items between the two circles, over which you have no control, and as much time as possible concentrating on those items within the small circle, over which you do have some control. 

You spend the same amount of energy, however, you lessen your stress and accomplish more.

I wish I had learned this “life lesson” many decades ago.

- eKim

Hi Razz

Don’t underestimate the “power of wasting time”.  If the time you spend “wasting” on trivialities, does you some good mentally/emotionally/spiritually, then it was not time “wasted” at all.

You mentioned daily planning of your “special time for yourself and saving it until the end of the day, so that you could be in a great mood all day anticipating it.  I really like that one.  We must be on the same wavelength, Razz.  

The other side of the coin of that axiom is this: “Whenever you have an unpleasant task to perform, do it the first thing in your day.  If you keep putting it off the whole day until the end, then you will carry the negative feelings of having to do it all day, and therefore spoil a day unnecessarily.” 

 -eKim

Hi Razz and eKIM
I thought you might be interested in hearing about a new thread started by Oldbat, Silly Things That Help Us Survive. Oldbat writes, “I'm declaring a "time out".  A moment or two, maybe even more, away from our cares.  To do something, anything, no matter how silly, that makes us feel lighter, brighter, more able to cope.”   

Katherine