Hi, there -
My dad passed on November 29th, and towards the end he was not eating or drinking much. It's a worry for sure. Get some Boost with extra calories and try to get some of that into her.
As far as your head spinning, it can be overwhelming. I was there to help Mom with all the lingo and doctors. You have the right to know what stage your mom is at, and you really do have to advocate for her.
Palliative care does not mean she is dying necessarily, but that she has chosen not to have more active treatment. You could probably use the help of some palliative care professionals in the home if that's what's being offered.
My strong advice above all else, I think, is to keep her out of hospital if you can. Dad had a fall last spring and was in hospital for six weeks trying to get his mobility back, but the opposite happened. He declined dreadfully and couldn't walk at all by the time we brought him home.
You will be told by everyone "take care of yourself". While I agree with that sentiment, I know personally I didn't take care of myself during the time I cared for Dad, there simply wasn't time. Looking back, I don't think we could have done anything differently or done more for him, so we are at peace with our decision to have him pass peacefully at home.
You will find a lot of support here. I did. People really do care and you are NOT alone.
Cathy