Hi ITSANAMBERDAWN. I am so truly sorry for what you are going through. The pain associated with your dad missing is unfathomable. I lost my son, 33 years young, in May of this year. He was found passed at his home. Whilst he was not missing in the same sense, I went through three days of no communication with him, his choice, but I did not see this coming. Every day since, I have been haunted by the same thoughts. He will call me, he will walk in my door. However someone passes, the emotions are all the same. The grief fog, survivors guilt. The what ifs, whys and hows can torment. I am repeatedly told there are stages of grief but they are not in order and I feel like I have all stages in one day. i am 6 months in to my journey of "healing" but I truly don't feel like I this will ever heal. There are no answers to these feelings and I find it is so easy to go down the rabbit hole. It is consuming. Just know that you are not alone. There are a lot of us out here that are going through the same thing. The loss is painful and unaccepting. Our grief is raw. Our words shattered. I hope and pray that you find some comfort in this group. Be kind to yourself. I can see baby steps in my self some days but of course it just takes one small thing to send you hurling back to the beginning. Just remember you are not alone. We are all in this, albeit different circumstances, different paths, different stages but we have all had our hearts shattered and our world tuned upside down. Sending hugs.