Seems like you're writing those words about my experience. They describe the situation so accurately and I find I'm able to take a tiny bit of comfort hearing them also coming from you.
My David hospiced at home. He passed away around 5 am in the hospital bed in our iving room where he had slept during those final days of his life. We were in self islolation because of fear of covid. It was close and intense.
I feel immobilised now, in my small 2 bedroom condo in which we had recently down-sized. I still don't get out outside much. I'm locked in my memories of my life with him. Every day of the past 5 years was spent together as we battled cancer. I know what I must do but can't seem to get myself going. Feels like I'm in a state of limbo. Hoping soon, when I've "rested" a bit more, to be healthier and happier. And at the end of the day, I strongly suspect that there will not be " someone in my life who can help me through this." I'll have to do, do it myself.