Hi Beanie,
I was once told me that after the death of someone we care about it’s like we are wrapped in cotton balls. We don’t feel very much inside or outside.  Gradually, as time goes by, the cotton falls away bit by bit and we can begin to feel the grief. You might find the article Grief Work  helpful.

You were working and providing support plus caring for your friend – I would imagine you might be quite tired both physically and emotionally. It’s a tired that doesn’t go away with a few sleeps – it takes time.

I think it is only natural to wonder if you could have done something differently or said something more. But I firmly believe that we do the best we can at the time, with the information and resources we have – it’s good to remind ourselves of that.  

Marstin said in Lindsaymarie’s thread Failing Friendships the process of sickness and death changes us – perhaps that is part of what you are finding now – you are not the same person you were – your friend and your connection to her have changed you – and that is not necessarily bad.

Please keep asking the questions, we’re here to listen and support you.

Katherine

Welcome back Beanie722. An anniversary can be a very tough time. Would your friend’s son benefit from some professional help as well? It must be hard when you are both grieving her loss. You can find a variety of Programs and Services on this Virtual Hospice link – that gives information on resources across Canada  - just by clicking on the map.

You might also find it helpful to check out Mark99's post to Surviving Grief: One Step at a Time.

Have you thought about what you will do to perhaps make that first anniversary less difficult? Will you spend it alone or with friends, your friend's son? Some people have said that making a definite plan for that day can help to ease some of the pain. 

Take care Beanie

Katherine