I am sorry that you are going through this difficult time.  I send you thoughts of peace.

After spending 10 years as a resident and family support volunteer, this issue came up over and over again in 2 ways:

1)  Firstly for family members who desperately wanted their loved one to be admitted to a residential hospice as soon as possible.

2)  Secondly there were the residents (we never call them patients) and their family who didn't want their loved one to return home/nursing home/hospital when their condition plateaued. This sometimes would happen after the resident had been with us for typically 3 months or so.

The staff would be very gentle and sympathetic in explaining either of the two above scenarios but the people still understandably were upset.

Ontario has a mere fraction of the palliative beds that are needed to meet the full demand.

In order to meet the demand, typically the “stay” is looked at as a 3-month timeframe. Then the resident is re-assessed medically. 

This system is used to help meet the overwhelming demand for beds.

Also, there would always be a bed that would be available when an urgent case came up – someone who was quite close to dying.

The medical team would (among other things use a Palliative Performance Scale) to help them assess someone.  P.P.S. Palliative Performance Scale.  The following document provides other information regarding admissions:  Ontario Palliative Care Network

One way to look at it is this: If people were allowed to be admitted before 3 months and were allowed to stay longer than 3 months, then it would be very difficult to have a loved one admitted in a timely fashion because the beds would always be fully occupied.

I know that this is not a satisfactory explanation for anyone who desperately wants the best for their loved one. But this is the situation faced by many.

One thing to know is this: When people are admitted to a residential hospice, they will receive (in my 10 years of observation) the very best care imaginable.

It was always so poignant when a resident or their family would say, "I am so lucky to have come here!" It makes me tearfully humble to think, "Look at their situation! And they are calling themselves lucky?" Talk about helping someone put life into perspective.

I have learned so many "life lessons" over the ten years. Lessons about living - not lessons about dying. 

I wish you the very best.  Please remember, if you need to “talk” about anything in the future, come on back here.  We will be here for you.  - eKim