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Réponse de country pumpkin
31 oct. 2021, 23 h 17

Hi Mary09
I can understand why you are not really motivated to do too much with all the extra chores and

stress put on your shoulders.  I'm sure there are times you wish you could just get in your car and

just drive somewhere no one know you.  Life is full of obsticles and hardship as it is but when you

are sole caregiver to a love one and have others depending on you for everything in general, life

can feel unbearable, I know I feel it and want to just hide!!  

   I wish your Mom wasn't going trough so much pain and hell!  I'm sure she just wants to give up

at times.  How much can a person endure and for how long. I question my faith at times because

why does God let people suffer so much?  I've have had a couple of cousins go through Chemo and

they have had a hurrific time of it just like your mom.  Does ice chips help your Mom's throat from

being to soar, it may soathe it a bit.  Since your Mom has no appetite, would some flavored jello

or pudding help her for nutrition?  I know my momlives on Consomme frequently, her taste buds

have changed drastically and she also has no desire to eat.

 My niece's daughter is almost 5 years old and is starting to use her sentences and words more.

Iasked for a hug when she went to leave yesterday and she informed me that she had all ready 

given me one!!  I guess I'm on limited to 1 a visit!!  Today I was back at painting,  I'm

3/4 done,  I think I'll through myself a party afterwards from all this painting.  I'm even

dreaming about painting projects I should tackle after the Kitchen.
 
 I'm like you I'm finding there are days I just can't function and I want to give up.!!  I'm finding

that everything is closing in around me and I'm emotional more and more.  Last night I cried

in bed for over an hour.  I'm awake 4 and 5 hours before falling asleep.  

  I do live in Ontario, I'm in the Durham Region where we live in a snowbelt region.  We seem to

get more snow then other regions.  I haven't even raked the leaves that have fallen.  Usually I

take 4 or 5 days to rake and deposit all the leaves but this year I have not made any effort.  My

older can mulch then with the lawnmower, I just do not have the time or motivation.

Hang in there, you are constantly in my thoughts and prayers.  Cheryl
 
Réponse de Mary09
03 nov. 2021, 23 h 32

Hi Cheryl,
I hope you are feeling a bit better..  Boy do I know that feeling of everything closing in around you. It's almost suffocating.  How is your mom doing?  Is she able to walk?  I'm sorry I can't recall if you mentioned that.  I know you mentioned she eats mostly consommé.  I cannot get my mom to eat it.  She's eating a little bit has lost a bunch of weight.
We have her chemo appointment tomorrow and a visit with her doctor.  I don't know if she will be able to even make it up to the hospital she is so weak.  I doubt the doctor will go ahead with the chemo and then I don't know where that will leave us.  I'm not looking forward to it to say the least.
I got a call from my younger sons teacher today.... apparently he has not been completing his homework..and has some assignments he has not handed in.  This is very out of character for him. He is home online for school but I think I need to get him back in person. I'm so worried about this and it makes me feel so guilty.  My time has been so consumed with my mom I am not seeing things going on in my own family.  I am letting everyone down I feel even though I know I'm doing my best.  The whole situation just feels like it is never ending. 
i hope you've taken a little break the last few days.  Don't worry about those leaves...let the wind blow them away!!!
We're actually in York Region so not too far from you.  So remember when you're having a rough day you have a friend not too far away.
Bye for now Cheryl,
Take care... Mary  
 
Réponse de country pumpkin
04 nov. 2021, 0 h 39

Hi Mary09

I'm so sorry that your Mom isn't eating and is losing weight.  That fact that your Mom has several

chemo sessions could be the factor that she doesn't have an appetite. The medication that has

been administered to her could be severely harsh on her system,  My mom doesn't eat much,

she hasn't much of an appetite either.  Mom has severe trouble wih her mobility.  I help her with her

hygiene.  Yesterday I went for my flu shot and I was inquiring If my mom could be put on a waiting

list.  The pharmacist went out of his way and fitted a time in for her.  I went home, assisted with

her dressing and drove into town and he came out of the pharmacy and administered the shot while

Mom sat in the car.  Our phamacist is amazing and very thoughtful of others.  I told Mom I would

bakes some Christmas cookies and deliver them to him and his family for being so kind to us.

  I hope you get some encouraging news tomorrow from your Mom's Doctor.  You need to hear

something positive for a change.

  I'm sorry to hear that your son is not completing his assignments.  I do not know how old he is

but you really cannot put the blame on yourself.  You sound like you are stretching yourself too

thin as it is,  and you need the rest of the family to help out not react in a negative way.  People

in general either run away from problems because they feel helpless and afraid or stand strong

and deal with whatever comes their way.  It's a defense mechanism people do to survive.

  Maybe you need to set up some ground rules for your son.  If he doesn't complete his

homework, than no T.V., or video games.  When I was a kid and I did something wrong, T.V. was

taken away for a couple of days or If I had an activity I loved I had it taken away until I learnt

my lesson.  You are trying to keep your Mom alive, plus be a wife and mother and keep the

house in general operating.  You need cooperation with your family or you are going to have a 

meltdown and then not be any good for no one including yourself.  It may sound easy but it

isn't.  I may not have kids but running the house by myself, doing' all the errands, cooking, cleaning,

caring for my mom, I can emphatisize with you completely.

  You are a good person, you are caring and generous, loving and devoted to your family but you

need help to survive and keep being strong for them.  All your family including your Dad should

take some of the burden off your shoulders.  

  Tomorrow I'm getting up early to drop of a Birthday cake and gift to one of my Brother's . His

birthday is on the weekend but I don't want to leave mom very long.  I can usually leave her 45

minutes in the morning while she's asleep while I do my errands.

  I hope you get some good news tomorrow, you and your Mom both deserve that much.  My

thoughts and prayers go out to you.  Keep safe , your friend.  Cheryl

 
Réponse de Mary09
06 nov. 2021, 0 h 30

Hi Cheryl, 
I'm just getting back to you now, its been a busy couple of days.  We decided to go ahead with chemo yesterday, but she was so so sick last night.  Horrible stuff.  The plan is for her to have two more treatments, and then do some scans to see if the chemo is working.  Once we have the results we will decide whether to continue or decide its been enough.  She's been through so much, it is time that when she is ready, we need to let her go.  I will be heartbroken and cant bear the thought of it.  So we will know in a few weeks.  My dad is very good with my mom and takes good care of her at home.  I seem to take care of all the appointments and doctors, and he takes care of making her tea and helping her at home.  I worry about him also, he looks tired.  I try to make meals for them at times so he doesnt have to cook, but my mom as you know is hard to cook for these days.  Eating is something you take for granted so much if you are healthy...but when these sort of days come, it can be so stressful.
I will be sending my son back to school in person in two weeks.  He is 12.  I feel good about this decision and feel he will do much better once he is back with his friends and in his school routine properly.  
That was very kind of a pharmacist to come out to your car to give your mom her flu shot.  Things like that make all the difference.  People dont realize not everyone can just walk in on their own for these things, so that was nice of him.  And nice of you to bake cookies for him.  Your mom must be a lovely person, because you seem very kind and I assume you learned that from her.
Thats sweet of you to make your brother a birthday cake.  I wish so much I had siblings.  When I was a kid I always wanted them, I was so lonely.  As I get older and especially now, I still feel that way.
I hope you have a nice weekend Cheryl, and you and your mom are doing okay.

Mary xo
 
Réponse de country pumpkin
06 nov. 2021, 19 h 17

Hi Mary09

It's good that your Mom has your dad for support also.  You have so much responsibility with

her as well as your own family.  I hope that the chemo is doing some positive results.  To have

to endure so much stress and sickness on her body and have it not work would be devasting on

her as well as you.  I'm sure your Dad is going through a hard time also, he see's his love one in

so much pain and cannot really do much but stand by her and help her when needed.  I hope your

dad can talk to you when he feels depressed and worried.

 Your son must feel happy to know he will be returning back to school and seeing his friends etc.

Getting back into a normal routine might be the best solution for him.  Maybe joining a club or

having an activity after school might given him something to be distracted from some of the

stress he may be feeling.  We all tend to get caught up in our problems and life and we need to

have something to look forward to and keep us grounded.  You amaze me on how much you do

and handle and not loose your cool.  I find when I cannot not handle one more problem that I

stay in my room or stay away from people so I don't cry or show my true emotions.  I find I

have to keep myself occupied so I do not have time to do alot of thinking.  At night in bed is my

worse time.  I have trouble sleeping because I'm always thinking of what needs to be fixed or

cleaned etc.

  My mom sleeps and reads most of the day.  I spend part of the day visiting with her and the

rest working on the house.  I'm very lucky that Mom doesn't have to go to too many

appointments like you.  I have a transfer chair I use to get her in and out of the doctor's

office.  You must get exhausted setting dates and taking your Mom to and from each

appointment.  The time and waiting period can be exhausting itself!!

  My brother and his wife enjoyed my visit the other day.  My sister-in law works mainly from

her home.  She has to go to the office one day a week.  She works for a Law firm and her boss

is fairly reasonable.  I miss seeing this brother because he doesn't come to visit mom very

often.  He admitted the other day he is having a great deal of difficulty dealing with mom's

illness.  We all deal with sickness in different stages, no one is right or wrong really. 

  I know we all lose people we love and care about, they say time heals all wunies, I'm not

really sure I believe that.  My dad has been gone since 2008 and I miss him terrible!!  I

truely hope you get some good news about your Mom's progress.  You all need something

positive in your life now.  I'm sure God knows that.  I wish I could take your pain and heart ache

away.  I'm thinking of you and wishing you well.  Hugs.  Love Cheryl
 
Réponse de country pumpkin
09 nov. 2021, 2 h 01

Hi Mary09
I hope you get some positive news this week for your Mom's Chemo sessions.  If you need to talk

just email me.  I really don't know much about chemo treatments and how it takes to find results

to your body.  One of my cousins' just finished her chemo sessions and was told she had about 7%

chance for the kind of cancer she has to come back!  I hope your Mom's cancer is shrinking so she

can be out of the  constant pain she has b een enduring.  

  I'm finding my mom and I are spending more and more quality time together, I hoping her time

left isn't coming to an end.  Just like you I hold my breathe constantly am I going to walk into her

bedroom and find her passed on.  I'm not as stronge as I try to pretend.  I'm scared stiff and feel

anxious all the time.  Thinking of you and your family.  A friend.  Cheryl
 
Réponse de Mary09
11 nov. 2021, 0 h 26

Hi Cheryl,
How are things going?  Hope you have had a good day today with your mom.  Is it this weekend for your brothers birthday?  That sounds nice to have something to celebrate.
We have our chemo appt tomorrow again, I'm not sure whether or not it will happen based on her bloodwork results and if she wants to go ahead.  Mom is very down today....and feeling so consumed with the thoughts that as much as she wants to stop chemo, she feels like that means she is letting herself die.  There is no other alternative.  Or continue to be in pain and in bed all day.  Its such an impossible situation.  There is nothing I can do to change what is happening, and I dont know what to say to her sometimes....these days are becoming unbearable.
Anyways, just wanted to check in quickly.  I dont actually have your email address....but if you'd like to email me, just ask Katherine and she will give it to you.
Talk to you soon Cheryl,
Mary xo

 
Réponse de country pumpkin
13 nov. 2021, 0 h 11

Hi Mary09

 

I can only imagine the anguish you, your dad and mom are going through.  I'm sure

 

your mom is tired of the chemo treatments and someways want it to end but no one really

 

wants to die, we do not know what happens next!  That fact that your mom had endured

 

so much pain besides all the treatments and feeling nausea, my heart goes out to her.

 

  Mom my isn't in pain but just wants her life to end because she is so weak and doesn't

 

really enjoy her life anymore.  I find it's hard to watch her be so depressed and tired, but

 

I do not have anything like what you are experiencing with your mom.  I'm truly sorry

 

that your family has to go through this.  Watching our love ones be terminately ill is very

 

stressful and heartbreaking.

 

 My brother's birthday was on Nov. 6th, he turned 60 yrs old.  He isn't working anymore,

 

so he does work around his house.  He has my grandfather's house which is over 100

 

years old.  There is some work that is needed to be done, his roof on the porch is

 

supported by cement posts and they need to be replaced.

 

  I'm almost done my painting, I've have gone through 2 gallons of white paint and I

 

still need to buy another gallon.

 

  I hope your younger son is starting to enjoy being back at school with his friends.  It

 

must have been difficult for him to adjust doing his schooling from home.  You have to

 

discipline oneself to do the work and assignments at home without the

 

supervision of a teacher.

 

I'll contact Katherine and leave her my email for you.  I'll also leave my phone number

 

if you want to talk.  No prerssure.  Just know I'm here for you.  Cheryl
 
Réponse de country pumpkin
13 nov. 2021, 0 h 16

To Katherine n

 

Hi Katherine, could you please email so I can have to send my email

 

information to Mary 09 privately.  Thanks Country pumpkin Cheryl
 
Réponse de Mary09
15 nov. 2021, 3 h 30

Hi Cheryl,
I hope you've had a restful weekend and you and your mom are doing okay.  How old is your mom by the way?  I'm glad to hear she is not in pain.  It makes such a difference.  
Chemo day was the same as usual.  But mom is very depressed today and very weak from the treatment.  This week, she has another one and also a gastroscopy to check out her stomach.   I'm scared what they will find.  I dont even know if she's strong enough to get there and have the test done. Next week she will have a bonescan and CT scan to see where we are and from there we will decide what to do next.  Sorry if I've said this before, I'm all over the place these days.
I've spent hours getting my sons low blood sugar supplies and care plan ready for him returning to school.  Hopefully that will be next Monday.  Its a lot of work.  
I'm off to try get some rest now.....I hope Katherine gives you my email soon and you can email me anytime!
Take care,
Mary 


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