Hi Mary09
You never have to apoligize to me, I understand what it's like to be committed to our love ones. Your mom and Dad should be very grateful to have a devoted daughter. My parents raised us kids to be kind to other, try to respect people and be a good honest person. My brothers have their own life and I know they appreciate me for caring for Mom but they could be helping out a lot more than they do. My one brother is married and he is retired and he has a trust issue just like myself. He has been hurt terribly in the pass so he thinks most people are jerks. I don't agree with him and I let him vent when I see him but I feel more sorry for him for being so resentful towards people.
My oldest brother was in the Navy and had 2 unsuccessful marriages partial because he is too controlling. He knows how to work and has a small business but again he has to play big shot all the time and after awhile you just want to tune him out!! Both brothers figure after Mom has pass that it will take about 12 months to get the house ready to sell. Mom and Dad built this house in 1973, so it's not new anymore. It's 4000 sq feet and has about 16 to 18 different rooms, bedrooms, kitchen, dining room, family room, laundry room, complete basement apartment etc. Mom is somewhat of a hoarder, she has kept things that where from her other house before moving here. It is a beautiful house and I feel priviledge to live here but there is a lot of work to do and there are things that need to be repaired before selling it.
Like your Mom , mine is bedridden and has also had a lack of appetite. Mom isn't too demanding on what she wants to eat, most times she would prefer just consomme and
a biscuit with tea.
I try to make meals that I know she has enjoyed in the pass, her taste buds have changed drastically that she adds salt and pepper to her meals daily. I have to take Mom's blood pressure daily and also her weight. She has been diagnosed with fluid around her heart also with the kidney failure.
I'm sorry that you do go through so much with your Mom. My Mom has a great sense of humour. I knew when growing up If my Mom was sad or mad it was for reason from her work or just working too many hours all together. I have mood swings and I'm on medication for depression. I find talking to my Mom, it helps me ease my streass level. Knowing that my Mom is dying is very emotional and stressful to deal with but I keep reminding myself how lucky I am to be able to spend the time with her and not having to share my time with my brothers. Mom and I get along very well and we laught and cry together.
I never really got to say goodbye when my father died because he was in a drug induce coma for 3 weeks. He had an anerism that leaked into his stomache and he died 3 weeks later. I am
making sure I have the time with my Mom while she still is coherent and able to be alert. My
Mom is not in pain like your Mom and I 'm so sorry that she is going through so much especially with chemo.
I'm sure you are bone wery tired and your husband doesn't really understand it or want to understand it. He may even be somewhat resentful because you are spending so much of your time caregiving for your Mom. You really have no way of winning. Your mother needs you and your family also needs you but when do you get to be yourself. When do you get to feel happy or sad or mad or just plain tired!! You have to be a very stronge person to juggle all of this and not lose yourself. When you do feel depressed or whatever emotion you feel, don't appoligize for feeling that way. You can only give so much of yourself at times.
Today I took my Mom's car in to have an oil change. Even though she no longer drives, we keep it insured so when she needs to go to the doctors, at least she's comfortable in her own car. Many of times Mom has laid down in her seat coming home from her appointment. She's so weak that she cannot sit up going home in the car.
I did'nt paint today, I took a break from it. I'm about half way done, I still have to finish the bottom cupboard doors and I have a large pantry shelving and a large lazy cusine cupboard to attack. The new coat of paint has definitely made the Kitchen look more brighter. Our main bathroom upstairs, there are some patches on the wall where the paint has started to flake off. Probably due to the steam from the shower. Like I said there are alway something that can be done in the house. I really don't mind attending to them as long as I'm not given directions from my brothers.
I always wanted to live in a farm house or ranch but never got the oppurtunity. Because my marriage didn't last very long, and I was somewhat turned off men for awhile, I really did have a house of my own. I usually rented apartments. Mom has the room and space here which is nice but too much space to keep clean and tidy.
I think also with this Covid virus around it has affected everyone's behaviour. Life has changed so much since 9/11. It's hard not to have a guard around oneself. People you thought you could trust, now you may feel different. I'm very protected about when I go out for groceries or prescriptions for my Mom. I still wear latex gloves instead of just the hand sanitizer plus the mask. I try my best to keep 6 feet apart from anyone I encounter. Mom's immunity system is so fragile that I do not want to take any chances. The news is stating lately that the elderly may need to be injected with a 3rd shot. We were very fortunite that the pharmacise came to the car and did my Mom's shot there. He knew how difficult it was for her to even walk into the store, so he insisted on coming to the car. He is a very kind, gentle person.
I'm here for you anytime and do not feel that you are a burden to me. I want you to feel that you can talk to someone about how you are feeling without feeling guilty. You are not alone and I wish you didn't have to experience all on your own. It's such a heavy load and you need some support somewhere. Even If all I can do is just listen, I'm here for you. Keep your chin up and keep telling yourself, you are doing the best you can do!! Cheryl