Dear Frustrated:
Thank you for writing. I have been wondering how you were doing.
In my own case. Sarah's abusive rages left me emotionally and physically exhausted. They took a considerable toll on my energy, patience, and resolve to continue to care for her. Though I understood, as many people suggested that it was "just the disease talking", I found knowing that was not enough to blunt the negative impact Sarah's rages on me. Her unrestrained anger and the very harsh language she used to expresse it staggered me each time she exploded. When you experience such abusive circumstances over and over again for extended periods of time, it can leave you absolutely depleted and broken particularly when you are the primary care giver. You should not underestimate the significant damage such abuse can have on you, and, in my opinion, you have to protect yourself from that damage. You have to protect yourself from your husband's assaults.
Sarah's rages are now more or less under control thanks to the increase of one of her medications. Having said that, there were periods during her hospitalization when she would erupt. It reached a point where I simply couldn't remain in the room with her at such times. I just couldn't stand another assault. I would leave and the nurses would take over. I was just too exhausted to tolerate her unbridled rage. I would suggest you do the same particularly in a circumstance where the professionals are not willing to increase your husband's medications. When he erupts with his form of verbal abuse - leave. It is of little benefit for you to stay. He does not hear or respond rationally to anything you might say, and his battering of you leaves you even more tired and dispirited than you were when you entered his room. Leave, and let the staff - who have the "luxury" of being able to address your husband's anger professionally, not personally - take care of him. Do not remain in the face of such rages. They are too destructive, and unfair. You need the safety of distance and separation to remain at least somewhat balanced. YOu need to protect you own sanity, and salvage what patience and affection and care you can in the facde of such onslaughts in order to continue caring for your husband as best you can.
Leave - recover - and return. Let others intervene on your behalf. Preserve as best you can the battered love for your husband by removing yourself from his presence when he becomes abusive. There is no need to feel guilty for doing so. We can not continue to care for our spouses, if we are emotionally or physically destroyed in the process. Leave - recover and return. Easier said than done I know, but a necessity, I believe, in my case at least if I am to continue to care for Sarah, and if I am to continue to WANT to care for Sarah. WE are finite. There is a limit to the weariness, and stress our bodies and spirits can tolerate. Such abuse takes it's toll on our vitality and our love. Best to protect both for the sake of our spouses, and for our own sakes as well. Do not feel guilty for trying to protect and preserve your love for you husband by removing yourself from his abuse. an abuse which will inevitably corrode that love should you remain too long in its presence. At least, that's what I found was happening to me as a result of Sarah's rages. Leave - recover - return.
With affection and concern =
Jimmie