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Help to get my parents to make decisions 
Started by Laura32
17 Oct 2024, 4:53 PM

I reslly want to help my parents but don't know how to get them "unstuck." They are very isolated and i am not close by. The problem is that my mum has advanced Parkinson'. She seems to be in denial. She won't make any decisions about her care (e.g. going to medical appointment, calling for home care) and won't let my dad make any decisions. In the meantime her moods are erratic and she is abusive to my father. It's not a healthy situation and they are both miserable. I know i can't swoop in and rescue them, but i am looking for advice about how to nudge them in the right direction re: doing some actuss as l end-of-life planning. I don't want my mum to have an awful death but she seems determined to hold on to control until the probably (?) bitter end. 
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Reply by Allyson
17 Oct 2024, 11:04 PM

Hi Laura32,

Such a difficult time, especially they being isolated and you not being close by.  I have found some helpful tools at Willow End of Life Education and Planning.  I'm sure this website too has helpful tools.

The particular documents I have found helpful were Departure Directives and 5 steps to successful end of life conversations.

I hope this helps a bit.

Take care.
Allyson

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18 Oct 2024, 12:40 PM

Hi
As Allyson mentioned, the Canadian Virtual Hospice also has resources on Decisions you might also find helpful Laura32.

I was wondering if there was another family member, trusted friend or healthcare provider that might help in the conversations? This is a lot for you to carry on your own. 

Katherine
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Reply by Laura32
22 Oct 2024, 3:29 PM

Hi thanks for the response. I wish. My mom is slipping cognitively and doesn't trust anyone. She is keeping an iron grip on her health and finances even though she isn't capable of managing them. Her kids are her POAs and refuse to participate in her care decisions. So she won't even make the decision to get someone to come in and help. We're at an absolute standstill. So far my dad just hasn't felt willing or able to force her into the hospital or to confront her kids to step up.
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