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Dad wants MAiD - What about the rest of us? 
Started by Dianne24
29 Jul 2024, 4:05 PM

My father has not been enjoying his life for a very long time.  As he has gotten older and has had various health issues, he has expressed that his life is no longer worth living on many many many occasions.  He has been assessed and treated for depression, but this has not changed his way of thinking.

He has lived with us for the past few years and although he has the support and encouragement of his whole family and many friends, he chooses to be miserable.

Unfortunately, he was recently diagnosed with a terminal disease.  Our whole family supported him as he chose to continue with his appointments and treatment and he was doing really well (symptom wise) as the treatments were working.

On a visit with the doctor recently, he mentioned MAiD would be an option for him if things got to be too much.  Well, once those words left his mouth, my dad did not hear anything else from that point on.  He decided then and there that he wanted MAiD and as soon as possible.  

Besides not discussing this decision with me, he has now basically just shut down and is no longer eating or drinking and says he needs help to use the bathroom.  He now can no longer control his bowels and makes a mess every night.  He will no longer take his meds unless I come and give them to him.

He has stopped watching television or listening to the radio and just sits in his chair all day starring at the wall or the floor.

While my family and I respect his decision to die in a way that he will not suffer etc.  I do not appreciate that he did not even mention this to me after I have been looking after every aspect of his life and have been with him at every appointment etc. for the past 2 years.  I truly think he believes that the sicker he is that the quicker he will have MAiD.

The fact that he has already basically stopped living is killing me and my family because we all try and interact with him and he is just sitting there starring at the floor.

We have PSW and nursing support, but there is no help for us in dealing with all of this.

I am angry, frustrated, exhausted and extremely sad that this is happening.

Thanks for listening.





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30 Jul 2024, 4:24 PM

Good morning Dianne24,

I have been thinking about you and the whole range of emotions you describe. I was reminded of another thread started by Gg33 Care taker stress and emotions  

Not sure if you have seen the resources on this website regarding MAiD - you may find it helpful to read the words of those who 'have been there' as well as grief specialists. 

Your words,"There is no help for us in dealing with all of this," made me sad. Do you or other members of your family have a relationship with your father's health care team? Would there be opportunity to be with him when he next meets the doctor/nurse? I am just wondering if they are aware of how much your father's situation has changed since he heard those words. Being together at an appt might also help the health care team hear your pain and sadness and might allow for some freedom for you and your father to express feelings safely.

I know the practices across Canada may differ, but has your father met with the MAiD team? They might also be a resource for all of you to talk.

Katherine


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Reply by Allyson
30 Jul 2024, 5:51 PM

Dear Dianne24,

I was sorry to hear about your situation.  I can only imagine the range of feelings you are experiencing. 

I agree with Katherine regarding the support you might find in the MAiD team and their resources.

The decision is ultimately your father's but it is my understanding that there are resources/people available to support the person AND their family/loved ones.

I do hope you find the support you require.

Allyson
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