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Might be rejected for MAID

Started by Pmo

24 Nov 2018, 7:34 AM

My mom has been through a rollercoaster ride from hell that started in the spring of 2018... We knew it was ureter cancer fairly quickly but were given hope it was operable and we would be facing the potential for dialysis for the rest of her life. They removed a kidney, ureter and part of her bladder. The cancer was outside of the ureter and that was concerning but their focus was on getting her strong enough for dialysis. She did five weeks of dialysis, once a week and we found that her remaining kidney was working! Dialysis was no longer needed!! Yay!
But then they referred her to an oncologist saying talking chemo while on dialysis was not an option... But now that dialysis was over, we needed to focus on the cancer...we felt there was going to be some treatment but never in our wildest dreams did we believe we would be where we are today... Through many many ups and downs which I will spare... Seems you have all had similar stories....
Chemo has not started and she has only gotten weaker and more vulnerable. Last week she was told the cancer was imposing on her stomach and this was why she was not eating... They wanted to install a feeding tube. This is where she said she was done... Done fighting... Done being in pain.... Just done.
Her oncologist was away that week and would return on monday. We talked her into feeding tube until she could get a genuine prognosis from oncologist....well that came on Monday of last week. "without chemo, 4-6 mo of steady deterioration, and the necessity of feeding tube, cathedar etc... With 4.5 month of chemo, best case scenario would be 10-12 months." Mom decided against chemo and opted for MAID.
This week, after many conversations with doctors psychiatrists, and psych nurses... We have been left with little hope she will be approved due to her inability to answer some questions. We have the two palliative doctors who seem to be serious allies.... They have spent the last month with her and seem to support MAID as a viable option in her situation. One psych nurse called my dad today and told him she was not going to recommend the assessment because she was not mentally competent.
It took a while for our family to understand and support her decision to do MAID and now it feels so weird that we are scared and disappointed that she won't be viable. This seems so weird.
But the alternative is so much worse. She is going to die very soon. It just seems ridiculous that we may have to wait it out and watch her suffer in the meantime. Every day she says she wishes this was over and that she wants it to end. Every. Day.
She is capable and competent especially when she is not too drugged. We believe she is capable of this decision. Only one psych nurse so far has shattered this hope... And my mom was devastated... We have not been formally denied but my dad is so scared that we will be watching her suffer and waiting for her to pass.
Sorry to yammer on... Has anyone else been down this road? What are people's thoughts or experiences about this trajectory? Is the possibility still there?am I even making sense? I don't feel like any of us are of 'sound mind', after the grief and trauma in our brains... How can she be? 🤔

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Reply by Simone Stenekes (Simone@virtualhospice.ca)

07 Dec 2018, 9:13 PM

Hello Pmo,

We hope that your mother and you as a family have been able to find supportive health care providers as your mom tries to cope with her advanced cancer and symptoms.

As you have some questions, I just want to point out that the Canadian Virtual Hospice has some information about MAID that you may find helpful. It can be found here:

http://www.virtualhospice.ca/en_US/Main+Site+Navigation/Home/Topics/Topics/Decisions/Medical+Assistance+in+Dying+(MAID).aspx

Simone

(CVH Discussion Forum Moderator)

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