Greetings, Canadian at Heart,
I share this identity; I too live in the U.S. Certainly there are many differences in how caregiving is handled across the borders. But I, caregiving for loved ones here in the US, have found the emotional and friendship support of CVH to be BEYOND valuable.
My caregiving has all been done at close hand--first for each of my parents, and now for my husband. But as I take care of him, I have come to know other friends who need to do their caregiving at long distance. It's nerve-wracking and often guilt-producing. So first, just breathe and say to yourself that you are doing the very best that you can. Because you are!
It sounds like your mother and in some ways your siblings make it especially hard. If you have the resources, it would be worth seeing if there is a gerontolgy social worker organization near your mother, whom you could engage to help with the steps needed.
Another thing my brother and sister and I did (with our parents) was schedule a regular conference call among us to update regarding what was happening.
I am so sorry that you have to face this difficulty. Know that you have friends in CVH!
Nouce