Thanks kindly, Katherine, for your thoughtful reply. I am my widowed mother's only family in town, her eldest daughter, (2 out of province sisters unable "to handle" Mom's current situation), and her designated POA.
Less than 1 year ago, after a 4 month hospitalization, (major alcohol abuse, several falls, and malnutrition, all due to debilitating, unadressed grief), and a relapse hospitalization, Mom was returned twice, to her subsidized apartment, with the condition she allow 3x 15 minute daily Personal Support Worker visits (to ensure safety, medication supervision, quick shower, food prep).
Once again, PSWs are reporting daily concerns re the same unsafe behaviours from last year. Visiting nurses, palliative doctors, social worker, case worker, have been re-informed, (as per last year), but continue to insist Mom is fit (seen with 2 blackened eyes, bump on forehead, and small wrist fracture), "to make her own decisions" and remain in her buggy apartment.
Even after a fearful, elderly building resident called in a report (Mom was found in the shared kitchen/lounge area, inebriated first thing in the morning, trying to light a cigarette with a lit stove element and a paper napkin), the palliative doctor commented it was something "the building's management could address", and insisted Mom was fine "to make her own decisions".
I've been told, by the visiting doctors, nurses, and various workers, to expect Mom "will likely fall and suffer a brain bleed", and that she is fully accepting of these high risk consequences (exact same circumstances that caused her husband's death 4 years ago).
I don't know how to peacefully accept this probable outcome (unavoidable as I see it, with doctors's support), but feel circumstances won't likely change. It has been a four year nightmare for those who love Mom.
I support Mom in her decision to cease Hercepton treatment (nor resume chemo) Due to her exhaustion. Others wish she'd "do it for" them or her daughters, etc.
I don't know what to expect without treatment, though. Her oncologist is skirting details as he appears frustrated by her repeat inebriated visits. She is currently experiencing stabilized bone mets, increasing liver mets (right lobe only), abdominal swelling, neuropathy in hands, feet, legs, and possible cirrhosis.
I cannot afford private counseling and my caregiver support group is, but once a month.
I am reaching out in here, in hopes of finding some words of comfort or insight.
Thank you for reading.