Thank you Carlyn and Katherine for your kind responses. As I write this, my husband is back in the hospital for unmanageable pain. Last week he stayed 4 days for pain management and hallucinations from the meds he was on for pain. Today I received a letter from our insurer that this visit will not be covered because hallucinations are not covered for in-patient stays.
My husband received news from his latest ct scan yesterday that his spinal tumors have grown and he has new ones even higher on his spine. He is frightened and heartbroken. He is such a faithful optimist, he never really believed that his cancer would not be cured. I hurt so bad for both him and myself that I can hardly function at work. I just want to be with him every minute, but someone has to have an income and insurance. And I have certainly missed plenty of work in the 11 months since his diagnosis.
I want to be positive, but it takes all I have to stay positive for him. When I am alone, I have to admit that I am struggling.
My daughter is suffering too for her dad, but she is trying to run from it. I do understand that. It is just too painful to see him flat on his back, paralyzed, sad and, in many ways, helpless. This had definitely challenged my faith. It will survive, but it has changed.
Thank you for letting me vent. I know I am fortunate to have loved someone so very much.
LW