Dear Mary,
Your responses sound so normal. What we feel with our hearts and know with our head can be two very different things.
I completely understand that you want to make sure you are ‘reachable’ when not at home. That is one of the wonderful things about this community – you can post and read responses without having to leave your home and know that if George needs you – you are right there. I read a quote that said, "You can do anything, just not everything". Be gentle with yourself.
I was wondering if, in addition to the forum, speaking to someone perhaps a counsellor, social worker or spiritual care provider might help support you as well. Of course you may already be doing this - I don't want to presume. You may already know about Bethell Hospice as well, which I think is in your area - but just in case I thought I would provide the link.
I don't know if you like pizza, but would it help to order one (or something else) in this weekend - to eliminate cooking and dishes for at least one meal...
Thinking of you Mary
Katherine