Discussion Forums

Reply by Xenia

07 Feb 2014, 6:46 PM

Good Morning All:

I am a collector of items I find interesting and when I am feeling low I will go to my binder where I keep these items. Many are useful, others frivoulous and the one I looked at this morning was inspiring and helpful.

I toe i tout of a 2007 Health'n Vitaliality Magazine. An article by Deepak Chopra from his book Life After Death. There were 4 questions and his answers were inspiring and althogther different from the Anglo Saxon way of looking at death.

One question asked was: What were your early spiritual understandings about death?

His reply was: There's a beautiful poem of Rum that I heard as a child over and over again; " When I die I will soar with angels and when I die to the angels what I shall become you cannot imagine," So death was always seen as that way - the process through which we recreate ourselves and progress to anew level of creativity, imagination and evolution.

I know this may not fit well with other faiths but I felt it was a wonderful poem and most of us believe in angels and that death is not final so this gives me much hope as I go through the days with an ill husand.

I trust I have not harmed anyone with this quote but it keeps me through hard times.

Xenia

Report this post

Reply by marstin

07 Feb 2014, 7:02 PM

Hi Xenia,

I often believe that we are drawn to certain things at a particular time for a reason. I don't think that it is just a coincidence. Many of us on here believe in angels and their guidance. It is what gets us through the tough times.

As this is a place without judgement I would hope that what you have stated does not offend anyone. I think we all believe that there is a higher power no matter what form it comes to us and that we are never truly alone. I think that's all that matters.

Hope you're enjoying this bright sunny day.

Hugs,
Tracie

Report this post

Reply by KathCull_admin

08 Feb 2014, 4:51 PM

Hi Xenia
I keep words, phrases too. Not always sure why at the time but sure enough, as Tracie says, there comes a time when I pull them out. With the scraps of paper (they are usually written on :) come memories and comfort. I like that you mentioned ‘Hope’ Xenia. Life can be so dark without hope but when hope comes again (no matter how small) I find it lifts my spirits and I see things differently. I am glad that you found hope in the words of Rumi – words that comfort.

Just a little sidebar, I bought a little crocus plant at Safeway – it started out just the green shoots and all of a sudden one after another of at least 10 beautiful flowers appeared! Those little purple flowers make me feel hopeful.
Katherine

Report this post

Reply by KathCull_admin

13 Feb 2014, 3:34 AM

Hi Xenia
Just wondering how the week is unfolding. How your health has been too?

You said you had enjoyed the Larry Librach film. 'The story about care' is a 15 minute film on the Canadian Virtual Hospice site, and the story of one of our community members - Jimmie - have you seen it?
Take care Xenia
Katherine

Report this post

Reply by Xenia

13 Feb 2014, 5:33 PM

Good Morning:

Question:Kath Cull are you an administrator for Canadian Virtual Hospice, just wondered how you are connected to the emails.

Yes, I enjoyed the Larry Librach film, not realizing it was on the Virtual Hospice site. Will look into it.

I am having problems with my heartbeat, too fast, family thing, daughter and son have it as well and it really showed up shortly after John came home from hospital but did nothing about it until kids got involved, thinking I would hit the deck before Dad and who would be there to look after both of us. Therefore, I am on a tiny pill, trying it out until they can figure out what is going on. I am an anomily at times as my body gave out some bad results, my Ddimer test went wild and I was sent to every type of medical exam one can think of and nothing conclusive, first they thought I had cancer, then this than that as my test was 800 and it should be below 500, so now I just wait until drs. decide what to look for. I am healthy otherwise, other than rickety old bones, bionic woman with my both knees, cortosone shots in my shoulders, too much heavy lifting working in the hospital, but other than that I am well. Went to the pool the other day and hit the hot tub, walked in the H20 and did a few Arthritis exercises and got rid of a few of the cricks.

John is having some problems, trouble swallowing so I change his diet to accomodate , his legs are very wobbly and he has more pain when he lays down. Otherwise he keeps his pain to himself and I observe and up his meds when required. Still have the caregivers giving him his shower/bath, 4 hours respite a week for myself, nurses call in weekly and will visit as required. So, we are doing well.

Am enjoying...or is that the right words the commradaire on this site and turn to it often to read but not always to email but still get lots out of it.

Take care and be good to yourselves.

Xenia

Report this post

Reply by KathCull_admin

14 Feb 2014, 12:14 AM

Hi Xenia
Good question - 'admin' is linked to my name in that I am part of the administration team at Canadian Virtual Hospice and my role is to assist Colleen in moderating the discussion group. I am also interested in letting people know about our virtual community. I am relatively new and amazed at the support and caring that happens here. One of the strengths, as you said, is that you can come to the site and read - and 'get lots out of it'.

There is a little introduction here... Introducing a new member to the Moderating Team - Katherine

That being said, I see from my post that I did not do a very good job yesterday! I meant to say that I knew that you had enjoyed the Larry Librach film and there is another film on the Virtual hospice site, The story about care, that you might like.

It's good to hear that things are a little more settled in your home. I would imagine your husband is thankful that you are watching over things for him. How is that for you?

Katherine

Report this post

Reply by marstin

02 Mar 2014, 9:18 PM

Hi Xenia

Just wondered how you are doing today? With all of this crazy weather across Canada, I think we're all ready for some warmth and sunshine to bring a smile to our lips.

I hope that your health issues are being resolved and that John is comfortable.

Please drop a line when you feel like talking.

Hugs,
Tracie

Report this post

Reply by Xenia

03 Mar 2014, 5:48 PM

Thanks for the message. The weather has been up and down so I am okay with that. Feeing a bit overwhelmed some days as I have a chronic physical problem, doesn;t show, but some days are worse than others, enuff of that pity party.

Some days I feel that I wish the drs. hadn;t told us that John has so many months to live, expected or otherwise, as I feel like I am a fraud some days. He can be so good then hit bottom, of course family and friends see him and wonder????, is he really that ill. Of course, John hates to let me know when he is having a bad day until it is pill time or else has told the care aide that he had one heck of a night. I hear him most nights but some nights I just hit they hay and get to sleep for a few hours then listen for him.

To-day care aide has been changed again and I am ready for her at 10:00 as last nite, 3:00 there was a fire alarm and I had to get John out of bed, into his wheel chair, with oxygen, grab his pills and try to get to the elevator before it shut down. Someone left their pot of soup on and it was burning. A neighbour helped bring John back to our unit and I was thankful for that. Will be getting in touch with fire chief to see what the protocol is for fire rescue as John can be very weak at times and others he seems okay enough to get into his wheel chair.

Keeping busy to-day, washing done, found some bananas that needed rescuing, muffins and my vegetables come to my veggie keep to die, so I have to rescue them for soup. Seems I am not much into planning meals lately, for myself, but get John;s all the time, he needs a lot of soft meals and some veggies are too grainy to eat such as broccoli, etc so, soup it is.

All for now. Take care all

Xenia

Report this post

Reply by marstin

03 Mar 2014, 6:43 PM

Hi Xenia,

Pity parties are just fine on here. I'm sure that it is exhausting to watch the ups and downs with John. You push yourself to keep going when there are days that you wish that you could just look after yourself for a moment.

For anyone, a fire alarm would send a person into a bit of a frenzy but when you have the added pressure of all that you had to do for John before getting out of your place, I can imagine that it really sent you into a tailspin. I remember when my dad was still alive and how so often my mom would have to call an ambulance in the middle of the night or call my house and have Len come and help her put my dad back into bed. I felt so bad for her. It's a huge load to carry.

We tend to put ourselves on the backburner when we are looking after someone else's needs and forget that we need to look after ourselves too or we won't be able to cope with everything that comes our way. I watched it with my mom and then did the same thing when Len was dying and my mom. People had to keep reminding me to eat and take care of myself. We forget that we matter too.

Hugs to you,
Tracie

Report this post

Reply by Xenia

11 Mar 2014, 5:31 PM

Good Morning All:

Have been so wound up with drs appointments, for myself, had a heart test, told dr. I wake up sweaty and somewhat panicy with my heart pounding. I felt it was stress and panic attack, dr. thought different and wanted to be sure so I went for a holter test. Went well but I am alergic to many things, now I have electrode marks all over my chest. Whoppee, free tattoo. not complaining but I keep telling myself I must be a princess as I get hives so easily. Enuff about moi.

John is having more acute pain, dr. came over last nite, we have such a good dr. spent 1 hr. talking about pills, etc, then visited for the other hour. Tells me John;s lung cancer is causing the pain and need to up his morphine, etc. To-day the nurse comes and he wants her to phone him from our home regardless of how busy he is at the office. I never had a doctor be so concerned and easy to get along with, mind you he expects his patient to tow the line so everyone gets along.

To-day the sun is out and crocuses and tulips are pushing through. I need to see that but I do not like the time change. Too long days as I get up so early. with John easy to care for, he sleeps a lot, my days can drag. Tomorrow I get 4 hours respite and will go to the tax person to fill out my taxes, had to repay some the other day. Took them a year to let me know, did it on Turbo so will never trust them again, of course gov;t want us to do it over the net but if it gets screwed up what recourse do we have?

Have been away from the messages so will catch up today as I have some free time. Did some baking and made extra meals to have on hand and it works well when I am feeling draggy from lack of sleep.

All for now friends. Take care and remember as I have been told look after yourself.

Xenia

Report this post

Enter your email address (the one you used when you joined Canadian Virtual Hospice). We will email you a new password right away.

Email Address:

Become a Member

As a member of the Canadian Virtual Hospice, you can ask a question confidentially on Ask a Professional and contribute to the Discussion Forums. Join for free now to connect and share with others.

Discussion Forum members receive a monthly newsletter. You also have the option to sign up for the Canadian Virtual Hospice monthly newsletter.

Please fill in the information below.

Nickname:*

You will be known to other users only by your nickname. You do not need to reveal your identity by using your full name, real name or email address. Choose a nickname that is easy for you to remember.

Email Address:*

Your email will not be visible on the Virtual Hospice website. We will NOT sell, distribute or misuse your email address.

Password:*

Confirm Password:*

Country: