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So many goodbyes in a short time 
Started by Joe-r-den
23 Jun 2025, 6:56 PM

Hello, I am currently new to this and not sure if doing this will help. 

Since 2019 i have been losing so much beautiful people from my life. Starting with me and my deceased wife's daughter, she was only 7 at the time and was in a tragic car accident that took some of our friends away from us and our daughter. From the grief we kept close until my wife's depression took a bad turn and less than a year later my mother passed along with her sister weeks later. I did my best to "stay strong" as the people around me seemed to have been passing away and trying to hold in my grief to remain strong for my wife. 4 uncles, 5 aunties, 3 cousins growing up with, my mother, and my sister. I still tried to stay "strong" and keep my family intact. My wife left and lost contact with me and our children. She left and while trying to pick up the remaining pieces left behind I got a message from her late at night telling me how she regrets leaving and how she loves me and wishes she stayed... she committed suicide shortly after sending that message as I was asleep trying to hold my life together.... shortly after that my mind has been very forgetful and its been hard to face reality without her. Its tiring and im doing my best to keep life together for my sons.

Sorry for the poor grammar. It is hard to place this into words as I never really give myself time to grieve as I got to keep it together for my 3 sons. It makes it feel real and hard to hold together when I read this. 
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Reply by Ryans mom
24 Jun 2025, 3:34 PM

Hi Joe-r-den. I am so very deeply sorry for what you are going through with the multiple losses you have experienced. I lost my son to a drug overdose last year. We will never know if it was suicide or not. From experience, you should seek professional help. I am struggling daily over the loss of my son. It sounds like you have not given yourself time to grieve over your multiple losses. One can only go through the numb stage for so long. I am still learning how to navigate all these stages of grief. It is not easy. I have day of overwhelming sadness, despair, hopelessness , regret, anxiety, fear, and anger. They don't come in any order. Processing my trauma is extremely hard and I cant image how I would deal with multiple traumas but in order to process your tragedies, you need to be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve. It is truly hard. I too experience severe memory issues. I don't retain information, and there are many times where I am completely in a fog. It's all part of the trauma in our brains. May I suggest that you consider getting help for you and your sons. I completely understand how we feel we need to be strong for others but in order to allow processing and healing, we need to let go of the emotions. I have openly told my friends and relatives that there maybe days when I call them simply to cry and talk about my son and have asked them to listen. No one can advise you. No one can make this go away. We have to heal ourselves from within and it comes at a painful price but a necessary one. This group will help. Always remember, you are not alone. If you read my other posts you will see my struggles at the beginning of my tragedy. It really does help to express what you are feeling in words. This will not be an easy process and whilst I am a little further into my journey of loss and grief, it is still extremely difficult. As I said, if possible, you and your sons would benefit from professional help. Be kind to yourself, allow yourself to greive and include you sons as they will better experiencing the same struggles as you are. I have learnt that it is not healthy to suppress emotions associated with grief. 
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Reply by Mark99
24 Jun 2025, 4:25 PM

Joe

Ryans Mom speaks great wisdom. And that is why being here was a brilliant move you made. 

Sometimes we need to get our words out. If we don’t they can be stuck inside us. And all our doubts fears pain will grab those words & never let go. Pulling us down in a rip tide of hurt. 

In my grief journey I’ve found when I share with others or even post or write or journal I can see what’s going on within me better. It’s as if all the feels become neon signs that I see brightly. And others see. We’re here to hear you. Support you. And more.

I’ve also found when I share stories of Donna with those I trust those stories take up space in my mind and heart in ways I can hold them close and build new memories that embrace the love we had. We still have.

This quote spoke to me and perhaps it will to you:

“The archaeology of grief is not ordered. It is more like earth under a spade, turning up things you had forgotten. Surprising things come to light: not simply memories, but states of mind, emotions, older ways of seeing the world.”
― Helen Macdonald,

We got you.
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