Hello CDP
This is Michael aka eKim. I am not a professional therapist. I have been a volunteer here since 2012 as well as a volunteer with other hospices. First of all, I wish you well and a Happy (happiest as possible) Holidays.
Secondly, I “get” what you are saying and my heart goes out to you.
Disenfranchised grief is a strange word but it is accurate.
Disenfranchised grief is a term that describes grief that is not acknowledged, socially supported, or publicly mourned. Disenfranchised grief can make it difficult to process and express emotions, and to obtain support.
I have observed, over the years, that the depth of grief is determined often by the closeness of the relationship between the person who is grieving and who//what they are grieving.
I met a lady once who told me that her husband had recently died, but before I could even offer condolences, she said that now she felt free. Her husband never wanted to do anything and now she and her girlfriend were going on a trip to Europe.
Another person I know still grieves the loss of her dog who died 5 years ago. The dog was her constant companion and her greatest source of comfort.
________________________________________
YOU ASKED: “What will I do without this tremendous support?
Coping with disenfranchised grief can be challenging, but there are several strategies you can employ to navigate this difficult experience:
Validate Your Feelings
Recognize that your grief is legitimate, regardless of how others perceive it
Allow yourself to experience and express your emotions without judgment
Remember that there is no "right" way to grieve, and your unique experience is valid
________________________________________
Professional help: Consider seeking support from a counsellor or therapist who specializes in grief and loss
They can provide a safe space for you to express your feelings and offer guidance for coping
________________________________________
Seek Support
Connect with understanding individuals: Reach out to friends, family members, or online communities who can empathize with your experience
Look for support groups or forums focused on specific types of loss where you can share openly
________________________________________
Express Your Grief
Journaling: Write about your thoughts and emotions in a private journal to help process your feelings
Creative outlets: Engage in artistic activities like painting, music, or other forms of creative expression to help you work through your emotions
Create personal rituals: Establish meaningful ceremonies or traditions to honour your loss and find effective ways to reconcile yourself to your loss.
________________________________________
Practice Self-Care
Engage in self-care activities: Take care of your physical, emotional, and mental well-being by participating in activities that bring you joy and relaxation
Mindfulness and meditation: Use these techniques to stay present and cope with difficult emotions during your grieving process
________________________________________
Educate and Advocate
Learn about disenfranchised grief: Educate yourself and others about this type of grief to raise awareness and reduce misconceptions
Advocate for change: If you feel comfortable, consider advocating for more recognition and support for disenfranchised grief in your community
________________________________________
Outward Reaching vs Inward Seeking
This is a technique that I personally use. It may not work for others but it works well for me.
I have stage 4 prostate cancer. One of my most effective self-care methods is:
I spend a lot of time reaching out to those who are grieving.
I find that the entire time that I am thinking about someone else, I am not thinking about my own situation.
________________________________________
Remember that everyone’s journey of healing from grief is different. There is no “one-size-fits-all” approach.
None of the items above may help you personally. They are not presented as a prescription. They are only for you to read and encourage you to find what will work for you.
Healing from disenfranchised grief is a personal journey that takes time. Be patient with yourself and allow space for your unique grieving process
________________________________________
Let me know if any of this helps and please stay in touch with us here at Canadian Virtual Hospice Forum.
-Michael