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So Lost Without My Mom 
Started by Jo-Anne1959
07 Jul 2021, 8:45 PM

I lost my mom on march 10th of this year.  It was so unexpected and so fast.  She was a mother to 11 children   I was the 4th youngest.  I saw her every single day.  She lived in her own hose.  She was 94 but it didnt matter if she was 100.  She still had her mind.  On the computer, ipad, smart tv she knew everything.  This grief is so real.  im lost  
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08 Jul 2021, 8:56 PM

Hi Jo-Anne1959
i remember reading something once - and I won't have the quote completely accurately - but the gist was 'My mom might have been older but that just meant I had that many more years to love her'. What experiences your mom must have had in her life!

What a hole left in your life. It sounds as though your lives were interwoven. What sadness she is gone, and what grace that you were so connected.

Covid has changed so much in our lives and interrupts our rituals and grieving what have you and your siblings been able to do together and how have you been able to support each other?  

in my experience too grief does not move in a straight line - I am sure there are some days that are harder than others. 

Until we chat again.
Katherine.  
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Reply by Seeker
08 Jul 2021, 9:36 PM

Hello Jo-Anne;  First, let me say how sorry I am for your loss.  It is completely unimportant how old your mother was.  What matters is that you and she seem to have enjoyed a warm and close relationship, something that will feel more and more like a blessing as time goes by and you start to smile more than cry - and yes, that day will come.  But in these early days of grief, it can feel quite overwhelming to lose someone whom you loved and whose company you enjoyed every single day.  Your whole world must feel upside down, and will for some time to come.
When my parents died, I thought I was an orphan, that I would never be a daughter again and never have a Mom or Dad again.  A friend told me that I would always be a daughter, that I would always have a Mom and Dad - that nothing could take that away from me or change that - not even death.  And I believe that is true; I am a daughter and always will be, because the love I have for my parents never dies.
Try to be gentle with yourself as you adjust to this new reality. Try to think of how you can spend time through the day that will be comforting to you - perhaps a hot cup of tea or a chat with a dear friend.  Nurture yourself as your body and mind grieve.  It takes so much energy to grieve that nourishing your body and soul will help you get through the early days of this really hard life transition. Sometimes talking with people who have "been there" helps and sometimes we need quiet time to release the tears, let them flow, remember and rejoice in the fact that such a special person not only walked the earth but was a mother to you.  What a blessing. 
I wish you peace and rest, Jo-Anne.  
Try to take care of yourself now.


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Reply by eKIM
08 Jul 2021, 11:46 PM

Hello Jo-anne

When I lost my mother, it was and remains my greatest loss. 

Mothers seem to have the unique ability to love unconditionally and without limit.  I haven't heard of many other sources of this kind of love.

A lot of people are lucky to have experienced this love - I know that I am one.  And for that I am grateful.

When I meditate I do the following that brings me peace: 

Between breaths, I say thank you. 

I don't stop and think of the reasons, because pure meditation should be done with the soul, not the brain. 

But quite simply I am saying thank you for the last breath (GRATITUDE) and thank you for my next breath (HOPE). Hope for peace and healing.

Those two principles are a good foundation for our Journey of Healing. 

Later on, I write a journal of (a simple list, really) of everything that I am grateful for.  I add to it each day.  Big things - family, friends.  And small things - a flower, sunshine, a friendly hello and a million others.

This helps me get through emotional times. 

The other thing is that whenever I think of my mom, I feel her loving spiritual presence. 

Then I am not as sad, in fact, I am comforted knowing that she and her love will always be with me.

I am not trying to tell you what will work for you, Jo-anne. 

I am simply sharing what works for me and hoping that (with the input of many people) you will discover what it is that brings peace to your heart.

We'll be here for you, Jo-anne.

eKim
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Reply by Jo-Anne1959
26 Jul 2021, 5:32 PM

Thankyou ladies.. We finally got to bury my moms ashes this past saturday.. 8 our of the 11 children were able to attend... It started to pour down rain and the girls sang you are my sunshine as that was my moms favorite song.. The rain stop long enough to let us give our little speeches and then we each took turns to top her urn with soil...As soon as we got it our vehicles it was a downpour again... At least we got it done..  now my brother will have her phone disconnected and he will return to live at his cottage with the dog my mother had.. It's going to once again be tough as I know her number will no longer be hers :( ... So many mixed emotions.. Again thank you... ♥
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Reply by eKIM
26 Jul 2021, 6:30 PM

Hi Joanne

Feel welcome to share your mixed emotions, anytime you want, Joanne.  We'll be here for you.  Getting things "off your chest" is the most therapeutic avenue for most people in grief and bereavement.


ps  (we do pleasant exchanges here too) lol  So.....

By the way, it's eKim, here (he/him).  Notice how a lot of people include that now?  Wow, times sure have changed.

But I will gracefully and gratefully respond to the "Thank you, ladies."  It is a compliment to my "caring nurturer side".  lol

My wife was a "foot-soldier" in the forefront of the Women's Revolution in the '70s.  I happily carried her supplies.

Some people say that society would be better when women are viewed as equal to men.  I think that would be a demotion for women.

Society will only revolutionize when men become more like women.  That's my opinion, anyway.

-eKim


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