Hello Louise, 

Covid really does. I have been in self-Isolation since March last year as my husband was very much immuno-compromised. He had stage 4 metastatic cancer. 

You'll notice I said "was" and "had". And so, yes, he has passed away. Very recently. February 27th to be precise. I'm also in the early stages of grieving. I feel stuck, unable to "deal with it" , whatever dealing with it entails.

Last March when we realized that my husband was probably not going to make it, we sold our beautiful home, immediately packed up a few things, moved into a totally new area and downsized to a tiny condo. So yes, I understand living in a condo with the recent death of your life partner during the time of covid. We were unable to meet our neighbours as we huddled inside or scurried around behind masks with heads down.

We are in B.C. and through the local Hospice association I am having telephone grief counselling as well as group counselling on Zoom. I'm not yet proficient in Zoom use but last night I attended my first group meeting and was really glad that I had been able to force myself to attend. 

I broke down and cried in the company of strangers. A few of us did. It was a small and intimate group and we all had that one thing in common, the loss of our dear spouses. The release of publicly acknowledging this deep and powerful event that fills my days and nights felt cathartic and I now find myself somewhat looking forward to the next meeting. It's nowhere as good as a face to face smile or the warmth of a hug. Or someone to have a cup of tea or glass of wine with, or mostly to be able to talk about my beloved husband   face to face with a real live person who knew him. 

I resist the urge to run screaming down the hallway, pounding on doors, screaming "David is dead, David is dead! Did you hear that?"

And so the group meeting may suffice.

with heartfelt sympathy at your loss, Pammie