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Still don't know but trying to help

Started by barbcurt

11 Apr 2020, 2:56 AM

Hi. I am still deeply grieving the loss of my wife, Barbara. It has been alomost 18 months. Some people think 'you should be over it by now'. Not an optiion. I pretty much suffer my loss the same now as from the start. It really sucks. <Sorry>

We were barely getting to know each other, 28 years, 1 month to the day. She was the best of me and truly made me a better person. It is because I loved her so much I am posting.

I am hurting so freaking bad. i am hoping by sharing that i may offer some encouragement to others. Please, if you need to say anytihing, please respond.

"They" say that some day it will get better. I have not yet seen this but hope "they" are right. I am sorry for your loss, I grieve in total despair for mine. Please be strong, we'll make it together.

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Reply by kidboots

14 Apr 2020, 7:33 PM

Hi Barbcurt and know that you are not alone in your grief. Just the way that your two names are linked (I presume) says it all.

I am 13 months in my grief journey and no it is not "better". It is a bit different though. I was having very frightening grief bursts and they thankfully have become a bit less frequent lately. They bring the feeling that I can't go on and, more than that, that I don't want to go on. I want to believe that I am a strong person and will eventually live a more settled life. It will take time though.

I am just starting to have the happy memories that all those pretty cards wished for me. At first the memories were too painful. But it feels so lonely not being able to share those memories. I think that loosing a life partner is so hard because you have developed an intimacy that you shared with no one else. Just a word and you knew the joke or remembered an occasion. It is all lost. It is hard. Stay well.

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Reply by barbcurt

19 Apr 2020, 1:23 AM

Hi everyone
I must apologize for my last post as I was a little emotional. I am alone during our current situation. It makes things a little tougher and I am sorry for venting. Bottom line is I miss my wife and after all this time it still hurts. I spoke with a councillor, apparently I have a syndrome called prolongued grief. Whatever it is, it does not help me get better.. I will post again some day but for now I need to sit back and get things organinzed. I thank you all who's posts I have read. They are truly inspiring and I am using them to give me strength. May God look upon you all and bless you with closure and peace. barbcurt

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