Hello pmo,
thank you for your note to the message board
first of all, i send you sympathies and condolences on your loss. To lose your mom is a painful and difficult thing, for everyone.
to honour her with a party full of music as she wished was a remarkable way to mark her passing. I am sure it was hard no matter how you honour her, it is still your loss - and that Won’t end with a particular event.
in my personal opinion, I don’t think you need to make yourself cry, I think your heart ❤️ will tell you when. Crying is something you will do - probably when you least expect it. Something that you smell, hear, recall, will touch off emotions.
Give yourself permission to grieve and let out the pain. It’s hard, it hurts, and it helps you heal.
I hope you write again to let us know how you are doing. There are many who will read and gain strength from reading your experience. We all learn to lean on each other - and I hope that your story shared here will give you another way to let out the pain.
i wish you the best, I wish you comfort, and I send you a virtual hug.
please write again and let us know how you are doing
sending you best wishes
natR 💐