Hi Ames,
We have a lot of similarities in our lives. It really is a "double edged sword". I wanted to be alone a lot (still do) after my sister left this earth yet that gives me too much time to think. It's almost like I don't know what I want sometimes; just feeling lost, not caring about what I used to care about etc. I have two children as well that keep me busy but what I have noticed is that Im trying to find things that give me some fire again. I go through the motions of the day but it's sometimes almost like Im just a shell of what I used to be. Sounds harsh but I am trying to find some "zing" and it is getting used to a "new" life. I call this my exploration year to find those things that might give me some joy again. I have some good days, I cry, I have bad days, I get angry, I try to find reasons to laugh, and I am trying to accept things will never be the same. I do find comfort in talking to others that know what this is like...we share a bond of deep loss so I am thankful for this group.