Hi Jannett

I can picture your Mom fast asleep.  Keep that memory always in your mind.  It will come in handy in the future.

And the tears you speak of: I hope those were "poignant tears" Jannett.  I have a feeling that they were, were they?

Poignant tears are simply "happy" tears in disguise.  They are "healing" tears.  Here's what I mean:

My Mom passed away years ago.  She is the only one who loves me in an unlimited and unconditional way.  I use the present tense because she does still exist but as a non-physical entity. 

No one else has to believe this - I am not proselytizing.  But it is what I believe.

So therefore one of the ways that I accept my mortality is that I am excited about reuniting with her someday.

But I digress.  Back to the "happy, healing" tears.

When my Mom first passed away, of course, all my tears were sad tears.  They would come whenever I thought of her.

Over time three things happened:

• the duration between bouts of sadness became longer

• and then one day - glorious day - I thought of her and "happy" tears came to my eyes when I remembered a precious time spent together and a funny story that she told me about when I was a toddler.

• I found, at last, peace in my heart.

Jannett, I send you warm VirtualHugs, love, and hope for the future when peace will fill your heart.

- eKim

ps  I have found that journaling (in private or like you are doing now) to be one of the very best stress-relief coping mechanisms that I have found.  I use it all the time.  For me, it is always therapeutic and at times even cathartic.

Hello Jannett,

Thank you for sharing your experience and thank you to everyone for replying. Though I have not experienced a loved one with Alzheimer’s, in the past weeks my father has become delirious and difficult to communicate with. I can appreciate how wrenching the experience can be to see those familiar personalities change. I am wondering how the experience has been for you? I understand you have an immediate family to attend to along with your finances and can imagine you are juggling many responsibilities and challenges.

I don’t have any blanket advice as I imagine that our relationships with our parents are unique and seeing these changes effects us all differently. I am glad that you were able to make a comfortable space and setting for your mother to rest. I hope that you receive the same warmth and acceptance in your own life - both in the Virtual Hospice network and beyond.

I wish you all the best in the coming days and weeks of 2021.