Hi Saara – I am sorry to hear of the circumstances surrounding your spouse’s health.
I appreciate your honesty and ability to be candid. The range of emotions and highs and lows people experience with illness or caregiving can be vast. It is not uncommon to experience a range of emotions, similar to what you have expressed… frustration, anger, love, exhaustion etc.
I would encourage you to be patience with yourself as much as you can. It can be hard for the partner or loved ones of someone dealing with illness. As you expressed, many things are different for you, your spouse and your life now. In such a difficult situation, it is great to hear that you feel well supported by the hospice team caring for your husband.
It is also great to hear that you have been able to lean on others (your grown children and grandchildren) for support, comfort and a listening ear. Along with talking to family and trusted friends, others also find more formal counselling services of benefit. Sometimes a neutral party, who doesn’t know you or your spouse helps people feel at ease, and to express and share things openly. Does the hospice supporting you and your husband have social workers available? Social workers can provide emotional support, counselling and connect people with further supportive resources if needed or wanted.
Work being your respite is understandable. It likely offers you time away from the home and a bit of a “break” so to speak from the affairs of caregiving. As best you can, I would also encourage you to take time for yourself, to recharge outside caregiving and work. Taking care of yourself and attending to your own needs is important for your own well being; and this will also in turn, strengthen your ability to continue to be there for your spouse.
Some people find it helpful to incorporate time for themselves into each day, even if it’s only 15 minutes. Here’s an article with some things to consider for caregivers and those close to a loved one with advanced illness, the article is titled
Caring for Yourself. We also have a section on our website dedicated to Caregivers, where various caregiver tools and resources are shared. To take a look at what’s available, you can click
here
Warm regards,
-Ogechi (Canadian Virtual Hospice Moderator)