In 2003 my husband of 38 years passed away. My oldest son accused me of killing his dad (the life supports were stopped on the advice of several doctors in the hospital). This was only the start of the agony. My sons did not live in the province. They would not go with me to make the funeral arrangements. I was left to muddle my was through. Half the time I thought I was going nuts and the other half I was sure I was. Many nights I walked the streets of our town sobbing my eyes out. Long story short I believe the problem was they wanted money. Nasty words were said to me and I was told not to call them or go see them. I sold our house and put the money into the cottage which we had put in all 4 of our names. Big mistake.

In 2006 I remarried to a man we had known for 50 years. He was a kind and gentle man. The response I got from my old son was that I could not get married because I was already married. He was convinced that til death do us part meant that both of us had died.

My second husband and I had a good marriage and we went to Texas every winter for 7 years. Then he developed cancer. I looked after him for 2 years before he passed away in Feb. 2015. I felt like an empty shell going through the motions to get all the paperwork etc. done. Here again there was no support system for me. We lived on a native territory and he had put in his will that I was to have a life interest in our home.

Again long story short I living in a high rise apartment build which I hate. I decided to move to a small town and the bank and I put an offer in on a house. In the apartment I feel like I am being housed waiting to die. I joined a seniors group and go to play cards once a week. Other than that I do the tv thing, read, jigsaw puzzle and cry. I am hoping that the house and garden will keep me busy enough so that I can keep putting one foot in front of the other and have something to look forward to each day.

I guess there is no right or wrong way to cope. I keep trying but I am not sure why and what is there to keeping trying for.

I am still at a loss for both of my husbands and my sons.