Hi Melinda
My heart goes out to you - I so appreciate your openness in sharing your thoughts, fears, sadness and life. I am not sure about the ‘why’- but opening up to strangers can be easier than talking to close friends and family – we can pour out our hearts on the keyboard. Perhaps part of the reason is that it eliminates the worry of burdening those we love. I also find that writing things down helps me to see things more clearly.
This is a safe place to remove your ‘protective detachment’ when it feels right for you.
You might find Living with Limited Time: Exploring Feelings, in the Topics secion of the Canadian Virtual Hospice site helpful as it talks about the feelings and thoughts that come when we or someone we care for has serious illness.
Take care Melinda.
Katherine