If your mom is in Canada, there is no qualifying for or difference between homce care and palliative care.
Staff should be determining her needs. Palliative care community programs should be managing a life limiting illness, and usually don't differentiate between palliative or not.
Your oncolgist needs to step up. This is criminal. You can document it and contact the College of Physicians. I did for my father. It helped other families, I know.
I totally understand your mom's behaviour. I totally understand your reaction.
Frustrating, isn't it?
There is grace in accepting assistance. SOme never accept this. It took my mom a month, after I moved to care for her. I quit my job, found another. She died 6 weeks after I moved to care for her.
You cannot live her life for her.
You cannot take control if she won't accept the help that is offered, possible and available.
I'm so sad for you. You will get through it, however, stronger than before.