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Reply by Plum1
19 Feb 2013, 4:08 PM

Good morning idontknow,

We have not heard from you for awhile. Have you gone back to work?
 And is your Mom managing without your being around as much?
And have you been able to remain in touch with your brother in the way which shows your care, yet does not expect a significant response from him?

All that to say that I am thinking of you and wondering how you are.

Love and prayerful remembrance,
Plum1
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Reply by eKIM
19 Feb 2013, 4:35 PM

Hi "idontknow".  Plum1 is right, We are thinking of you and wondering how you are.  If you need us, we're here for you.  eKim

ps  Plum1, whenever i think of Virtual Hospice Forum (and/or recommend it), I think of you and the wonderful, compassionate others.  Little EarthAngels, is what you are.  "We are not so much humans wandering the earth trying to learn what it is to be fully spiritual.  We are spirits wandering the earth trying to figure out what it means to be fully human." - unknown
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Reply by idontknow
20 Feb 2013, 2:19 AM

Hi everyone,      Yes, I am back to work and enjoying it.   Mom is doing pretty good.    We have some good things coming up she can think of.  Travel.   We had a good chat with my brother on the phone recently. Have not visually seen him for 3 months.  He just doesn't want us to come around.   He never leaves his small apt. Except to take out garbage, he says. I also have a very sick sister in Ontario.  She and my brother cause us lots of worry,  I know these situations are out of my control.  But it still pains.  How my mom will survive this. OK no more rumination.  

Regards, 


 

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Reply by eKIM
20 Feb 2013, 5:51 PM

Idontknow, you have so, so much on your plate.  The only certainty is that you will survive this.  There is no way that we can understand or alleviate your pain, I know.  But rest assured that that if rumination helps you, then you have us as a compassionate audience. 

I love the quote, “All you can do is all you can do.  But all you can do, is enough.”  You cannot “fix” things, idontknow, in the sense of making things perfect.  However the key word in that quote is “enough”.  It is and it has to be enough. 

When this concept is understood and accepted (in my humble opinion), then rest assured that you have contributed to the betterment of the situation.  Importantly, for your own peace of mind, you won’t suffer needlessly wondering if you could have done more.  You can’t do more than is reasonably possible. 

What are your thoughts regarding the above?  It is too easy, I know, to offer “advice” when one hasn’t walked in your shoes.  Forgive my naivety.  I only offer my words in the hope that they bring you some measure of peace.

I admire you greatly, for the sweetness that you display in being the best daughter and sister that you can be.  You are an inspiration and an example to all.   I hope that you find peace in understanding the true meaning of, “All you can do is all you can do.  But all you can do, is enough.”  Please believe that what you do is truly enough.

-       eKim

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Reply by Plum1
22 Feb 2013, 5:09 PM

Dear Idontknow,

How good to hear from you again.  I am truly happy to hear that your Mom is doing well, and that you had a conversation with your brother which was more substantive than you have had at other times. Sounds as though he is responding and coping in the way that works for him.  And perhaps your faithful care is touching him more than you will ever be able to realize. That is the mystery of it all, isn't it? We rarely know how we are impacting the lives of others. Just when we think that we are doing very little, we may sometimes learn that the other has been greatly touched. Or we may never learn, and just go along in trust and faithful love in whatever way we can.  As eKim says, do believe that what you do, in the loving and generous spirit with which you do it. is truly ENOUGH.

I am sorry to hear that you also have a sister who is a concern for you and your Mom. It sounds as though, there also, you are not sure what you can do to help. Can you tell us more about your sister? I am sure you and your mother are in touch with her, and she knows how much you care. What a gift that is!

So much love in your heart, and in the heart of your mother! I am deeply moved.  Let us know what kind of support we can offer as you continue to walk this path of the unknown led by your heart.  Know that I always hold you and your family in my prayer and love.

Plum1
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Reply by idontknow
03 Mar 2013, 1:44 AM

With shock and overwhelming sadness.

The police came to the door today.

I knew in my quickening breath, pounding heart and weak legs, why they were here.   Mom and I graciously invited them in.  My brother was found decessed.  What a strange word.  My younger brother with all his demons is finally at rest.

 

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Reply by marstin
03 Mar 2013, 3:07 AM

My heart goes out to you idontknow. Sadly, I guess this is how he wanted it to be. You and your mom tried so hard to take part in his final days but at least now he is at peace. As you begin the grieving process please remember that we are here for you. Please let us know how you are doing.

Hugs,
Tracie
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Reply by NatR
03 Mar 2013, 3:13 AM

I add my sympathies to you and your mom, idontknow

What a horrible shock for you to have heard the news this way.

your brother did things his way regardless of how others felt

sending you a hug and a prayer for peace 

sincerely
NatR 
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Reply by eKIM
03 Mar 2013, 3:14 PM

Mar 3/13

I am so sorry for your loss idontknow.  When it is possible for you to do so, think of and dwell on the sweet memories of better years.  – eKim

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03 Mar 2013, 6:05 PM

Dear idon'tknow,
My sincere condolences.
It will take time to realize that you can let go of your worries about your brother. Be kind to yourself in these coming days.
Our thoughts are with you and your family. 
Colleen
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